


Impossible, No?

by Starcrossed (LittleDoYouKnow)



Category: Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Break Up, Canon Gay Character, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Jealousy, M/M, Masturbation, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-05 22:26:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11022840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleDoYouKnow/pseuds/Starcrossed
Summary: Sakakura Juzo has been in an unrequited love with his best friend, Munakata Kyosuke. Graduating from high school as a trio, Sakakura, Munakata and Yukizome were the best of friends. However, Munakata and Yukizome were in a relationship. Sakakura, not wanting to destroy the friendship he had built with them, sealed away his feelings. He believed his feelings were nothing more but a hindrance to their peaceful lives. All he wanted was to have the comfort of being their friend.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started working on this after watching Danganronpa 3. My heart was in pieces when *Spoiler* Juzo died and his last thoughts were so sweet that I decided he deserved to at least let his feelings be heard.  
> I legit cried.
> 
> Tough men with soft hearts always make me swoon.
> 
> “Even if you abandoned me, I still want you to live...”

When I found out that they got together, my heart shattered. It was just like any other day, where we’d go and hang out together. I remember it was at a common coffee shop in the afternoon. The weather was so nice and the air fresh. I felt as the wind ruffled up my messy hairstyle even more, but I didn’t care. It was already messy in the first place, and I knew it didn’t look weird. I had ordered Cappucino Latte and set it on the table. Kyosuke and Chisa were obviously about to tell me something. They looked at me with such joy in their eyes, I was eager to hear the news to celebrate whatever it was with them too. His smile made me happy. _Your happiness is my happiness,_ I thought as I watched him beam, as much as a person like him could. Although he wasn’t stoic, his facial muscles were always a little tense. When he smiled, it was always very little, but she and I always knew it meant he was very happy.

              I didn’t think what I thought at that moment would be tested the very next.

              “So, Sakakura-kun! We wanted you to be the first to hear the news!” Chisa exclaimed.

              “Yeah?” I grinned as I sipped my coffee.

              “We… got together!”

              “Hmm?”

              “We’re in a relationship,” Kyosuke clarified.

              “...Huh? Who?” My mind could not keep up with the flow of the conversation.

              “Us. Kyosuke and I!” Chisa beamed.

 

              At that moment, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. My heart was pounding so hard, I could feel it in my ears. My hands became clammy and sweaty, trembling with nervousness. I lost my breath for a moment. My mind felt like it was going blank. I stared at them, wide-eyed; shocked.

             

“Sakakura?” Kyosuke questioned.

“H-huh? W-what? Uh, congratulations,” I forced the best smile I could, ignoring the deep stab to my chest as I saw his arm sling over her shoulder.             

“Are you okay? You don’t look too well,” Chisa worried.

They knew me too well. I felt like shit. _I don’t want to be here anymore. Shit, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts._

“You’re not happy about this, are you?” Kyosuke sighed. “As we thought, you like Chis-“

I clenched my fists, cursing at my inability to hide my feelings. “No way, I was just feeling a little unwell. Sun’s too hot. I’m really happy for you two, honestly. I mean… I always saw this coming, you know?” I blinked a little faster, feeling my eyes get watery. “It was just a matter of time..” I shoved my hands into my pockets, ready to get the hell out of there.

“But you _do_ like Chisa, don’t you?”

“Kyosuke, I don’t feel that way towards her; relax,” _You’re the one I want, dumbass.._

“Sakukura, be honest.”

“I don’t like her. Chisa is just Chisa. Nothing more. Bye.” _I like you. Am I not even an option? Of course not. Kick me for thinking that._

I hightailed out of there, snatching my warm drink from the table and furiously walking away. My heart was crying.

“Your happiness is my happiness…” I whispered under my breath.

I never ordered Cappucino Latte again.

 

**8 Years Later**

I had no idea what I was doing. Earlier that night, I had been drinking my sorrows away when I was once again reminded of their relationship when I saw a picture of them at Nemu Land, a theme park that was recently had its grand opening. It was a picture of them standing with the mascot, Nemu, a mouse that was popular among the public of all ages, hence the name of the theme park. Even after all those years of unrequited love, the pain I felt was never once lessened when I thought of them together.

              I stared at the picture a little longer. He was wearing a black shirt that had the print of a cool logo on it but not anything in particular. His denim jeans were fit on his legs, showcasing his slender but manly figure. His shoes were of a woody dark brown and looked custom made. He was very much a man, Yet, my heart still beated for him. I didn’t look at Chisa; she always looked good, but I was never interested.

              “Ha… didn’t you say you were having problems with her?” I whined to no one, shielding my eyes from the light with my arm. “Why are the two of you going to Nemu Land for fuck’s sake...” I felt guilty for feeling that way, for hoping. _No matter what happens, I have zero chance either way. Either he stays with her or he meets another woman,_ I thought, feeling depressed. I grabbed a bottle of beer, popped off the top and chugged it down. And another. And another. I could feel my head getting giddy. The room started spinning and turning. But I didn’t stop drinking. I wanted to forget. Just for a while, I wanted to forget my pain and sorrows. Forget everything. My identity and my sexuality. I wanted to forget my love for him, for if I did not, I felt that the burning in my heart would scorch me to bones.

              “Always… always! You _never_ look my way!” I slammed my first on the table. “I’m always the one you turn to for advice... Why can’t I be the one you turn to for love?!” I shouted in my drunken state. “Just once… why can’t it be me...?” I whimpered to the empty room.

              “ _I’m_ the one who helped you solve the bullying issue. _I’m_ the one who defended you, protected you, from the thieves who almost killed you in their panic! _I’m_ the one who climbed the fucking mountain you loved so much with you! Hell, _I_ was the one who saved you from dying on that very _fucking mountain_!”

              My eyes watered, not with rage, but sadness. I knew despite everything I did, I was simply not an option. I wasn’t in his strike zone.

             

              Simply because I was a man.

 

              My body was on the verge of collapsing; my mind woozy from the booze. My face was reddening as my body heated up. I started panting hard, feeling aroused. I palmed at my crotch furiously, attempting to rub the sensitive spots. _I want to get off_. I couldn’t think straight. I unzipped my pants and pulled my dick out, pumping it hard. I was panting like an animal in heat. Unfortunately, I was so drunk off the booze that my dick couldn’t get hard. It stayed limp, and my body just felt even more frustrated. I _was_ oozing precum all over my dick. _I wanna get off I wanna get off I wanna get off._ My sexual desire was overwhelming me, causing my mind to be hazy. My eyelids fluttered as they slowly closed to heighten my senses of arousal.

_*Ring ring*_

_What the fuck is that?_ I thought, annoyed.

_*Ring ring*_

_Fuck, it’s my phone. Go away. I’m getting off._

_*Ring ring*_

_FUCK!_ I grabbed the phone and picked up the fucking phone.

“STOP CALLING.” I hung up. I didn’t give a damn as to who that was.

After a minute of silence, I started stroking myself a little more gently, hoping that a different technique would get me up. The precum was dripping all over my boxers. I was still horny as fuck. I stripped myself of my jizz-soaked boxers and freed my legs. My body was burning for some relief. _Get hard, dammit. Fuck. I wanna release._

_*Ring ring*_

_FOR FUCK’S SAKE!_

My right hand still focused on stroking my cock, my left reached out to grab the phone. This time, I checked the name of the caller. Munakata Kyosuke. I calmed myself down, but only a little before answering the call.

“Sakakura.”

“Kyo…suke,” I breathed into the phone, feeling pleasure from my cock as I stroked it again.

“Chisa said she called you earlier but you seemed mad. Is there a problem?” I could feel his voice being channeled into my ear, his breathing steady. I wedged the phone between my shoulder and cheek and balanced it there. I used my left hand to start touching my balls.

“N-no… I was just… a little ticked off.. Nothing.. to worry about…” I managed to say between my panting and breathing.

“You’re breathing really hard. Are you sick? I’ll come over,” Kyosuke offered. My hand started to pump harder with my limp cock in my hand.

“N-no… It’s in the dead of night.. I’m… fine..” I knew I could have said my farewells then, but I wanted to hear his voice in my ear a little longer.

“You sound really bad. I’m coming over.” Kyosuke hung up the phone. I panicked and dialed his number, my hands no longer pleasuring myself. When I heard it click, I quickly protested to him coming over.

“Kyosuke! I’m fine. Don’t come over tonight. It’s dangerous at night anyway,” I hung up before he could say anything.

At that point, I knew my dick was not going to get hard that night. I stroked and pumped it like a horny teenager but to no avail. Not even Kyosuke’s voice breathing into my ear could get me hard, though my dick was covered in precum. I knew at that point that if _that_ could not get me up, nothing else could. I decided to hit the hay that night and go to bed.

 

 

I woke up with a massive hangover. _Thank God it’s Sunday. I’ll just lay here for the rest of the weekend,_ I thought. As I snuggled back into my bed, memories of last night flashed through my mind. I remembered how I got aroused and started pleasuring myself. I remembered getting a call from him and pleasuring myself to his voice. I was shocked at my actions. Never once had I used him as jerk off material. I felt that I’d be betraying him if I did.”

 _Yet, last night, you not only used him as jerk off material, but did it as he innocently talked to you on the phone too, you scum. You don’t deserve to be by his side,_ my thoughts belittled me for my drunken actions. I felt deep regret. What had I done? I had dirtied him in my mind, tainted him. I was unworthy as a friend. I gripped the blanket tighter, feeling like trash.

*Ding dong*

“Sakakura! It’s me. Unlock the door,” I heard his voice booming from the other side of the door. My mind quickly focused on the cans of booze and the dented table that took a beating from my fist last night. I didn’t want him to see my shame.

“Kyosuke.. go home,” I voiced loud enough for him to hear.

“No. You said I couldn’t come over last night, so here I am in the morning. Open up,” he demanded, sounding a little more stern than before.

I sighed. As I sat up and pulled the blanket off, I looked down and saw my dick hanging out. _Fuck. Naked._ I grabbed a pair of boxers from the cupboard near me and put them on clumsily, almost losing my balance. Dragging my feet across the floor with a hand rubbing my temple, I unlocked the latch and doorknob, opening the door to reveal the man on the other side.

 _Fuck, he’s so cute,_ I thought. But I felt like shit so I went back to my bed to die on it.

“You look awful. You drank a lot. And destroyed the table too,” he said as he examined my lair of booze and unrequited love.

“Mmh. Yeah. I drank,” I replied lazily, pulling the blanket over my head. I heard the sounds of cans clinking. He was probably cleaning up after me. _Sorry and thanks, Kyosuke._

“Your boxers are on the floor too…”

_Shit. Forgot about those._

I sprung out of my bed to see him holding them in his hand. I blushed hard at the memory of last night. I was pleasuring myself wearing those and at that moment Kyosuke was holding them in his hand, unwashed and dirty.

“Shit! Don’t touch them!” I shouted as I snatched them from his hands and quickly tossed them into the laundry basket.

“I didn’t know you stripped when drunk,” he stated with a hint of surprise and amusement in his voice.

“I don’t, asshole!”

“Your boxers here are obviously proo-“

“Fuck, I was jerk-“ I paused. He paused.

_Shit. What the fuck do I do now? What if he figures out my panting was from masturbating?_

“Oh. I see. No wonder they seemed a little.. stiff. I got you breakfast; here.” He picked up the plastic bag he had left on my desk and handed it to me. “Onigiri. Tuna. Your favorite. There’s also meat, salmon and other flavours. I bought hot chocolate for you too since it’s cold,” he said, smoothing over the fact that I was jerking off last night.

Although I felt relieved, part of me felt disappointed. I wanted him to react, to show some kind of interest in my nightly activities. His reaction only proved to me how much I didn’t matter to him in that sense. As a friend, I knew he cared for me enough that he was willing to wake up early in the morning just to check up on the friend who told him not to come over the night before. But I knew, it was only as a friend.

Just then, my stomach decided to make a grand entrance into our conversation. Talk about embarrassing.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, taking the bag of food. The first thing I did was take out the salmon flavor and offered it to Kyosuke.

“It’s fine. I already ate on the way here,” he held up his hand to stop me.

“You can always eat more. Here,” I reached out even more, urging him to take the salmon-flavoured onigiri.

“Thanks.” He took it and started peeling off the cover.

My heart was warm at the thought that I was the one monopolizing him.

 

 

“Nnh…” I mumbled as I slowly got up to see Kyosuke sitting on a chair facing me. “Kyo…?” I questioned him, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

“You’re awake. How are you feeling?” he asked as he snapped the book he was reading shut.

“Um.. Okay. My head doesn’t hurt anymore..” I looked at him with tired eyes.

“Let’s go have dinner?”

“Oh, is it dinnertime already?” I got up and slowly started getting dressed. I picked out whatever looked okay and slipped them on.

“Yeah. I’ll drive,” he said as he waved the car keys.

I pulled on my boots and coat before leaving the room with Kyosuke. The evening sky was painted in red, orange and yellow. I sighed at the sight. _What a beautiful sunset. To think that I decided to lay in bed all day.._

We got into Kyosuke’s car and I shut my eyes, still feeling drowsy from sleeping.

“Still tired, huh?” Kyosuke chuckled.

“Kinda. I’ll wake up soon,” I replied, rubbing my eyes.

“Had a nice dream?” he asked as he inserted the keys into the ignition.

“Nah, I don’t remember anything. Haha,” I laughed flatly for no reason.

After deciding where to go, Kyosuke reversed out of the parking lot and started driving us there. In silence. The radio wasn’t even turned on. All I could hear was the air-conditioning. I finally asked the question that had been weighing on my mind the entire time, but was never too bold to ask.

“Where’s Chisa?” Usually, two of the three of us would visit the sick one together so I found it odd that Chisa didn’t even come over for the entire day.

“She’s not coming. Why?” I felt his eyes flicker to me for a second.

“Curiosity,” I replied flatly as the inner me danced about in my head with joy. I was looking forward to dinner with Kyosuke alone, albeit it was just at a family restaurant. Hell, I actually loved the food served at family restaurants so I was excited.

I leaned against the window, feeling drowsy again. _Damn, I’m so tired. Drinking really took its toll on me._ I attempted to force myself to stay awake by pinching the skin between my thumb and index finger, but my eyelids were too heavy and fluttered shut.

 

“Juzo,” I heard him whisper breathlessly into my ear.

“Huh? W-what?” I questioned with one eye peeking through my left eyelid.

“Juzo… do you prefer milk or hot chocolate?” his voice echoing into my ear.

_What. What kind of stupid question is that?_

“Huh,” I said dumbfounded.

He caressed my cheek as he repeated his question, “Chocolate… or milk?”

_Ah, it’s a dream. Now it makes sense. Kyosuke doesn’t waste his time with crap like chocolate and milk. But I answered anyway._

“Hot chocolate with milk. You know I don’t take them each by themselves, Kyosuke,” I replied as I reached out and pulled him closer to me. The thought that he didn’t push me away or hit me made me feel content. Burying his head in my chest, I sniffed his hair and hugged him tight. He felt so warm and comforting, I wanted to stay that way forever..

 

“-kura. Sakakura. Sakakura,” I heard a chant of my name. “Sakakura. Sakakura. Sakakura.”

“I’m up. Stop that. It’s creepy,” I waved his chants away with my hand, as if the chanting was a physical object that could be blown away.

“We’ve arrived. TeruTeru.”

“Finally. Good food. I’m starving. All I had was onigiri,” I stated while holding my stomach, a little nervous that it would decide to prove my point at that moment. I heard the sound of the car doors locking as we walked through the entrance of the restaurant.

“I told you to eat it yet you still offered it…” he mumbled about the salmon-flavoured onigiri, claiming a seat by the window. I took the seat opposite to him. _Haha, it’s a date. I’m hilarious._

“I prefer going hungry than seeing you lose weight. You’re perfect now,” I complimented casually as I took the opportunity to eye him from head to toe. Or at least, whatever I could see without the table obstructing my view. We took a glance at the menu and called the waiter to order.

 

“Sakakura, I have something to tell you,” he said, switching the topic from whatever small talk we were making.

“Shoot,” I told him as I dipped our utensils in the hot cup of water.

“We broke up.”

“…Huh?”

 

I laid in the mattress on the floor that night, thinking of what had transpired after that.

_“It wasn’t working out.”_

_“We thought it was best to meet other people.”_

_“We just.. weren’t in love anymore.”_

_“Nah, I’m fine. We broke up on good terms.”_

_“Single as a shoe that lost its pair. Hahaha.”_

_“Buttercream is better than peanut butter.”_

_“Sakakura Juzo. Sajuzo. Sounds cool. I’ll call you that.”_

_“Why not? It’s cool.”_

The rest of the conversation was just meaningless empty talk. What we did in our free time, our favorite food, when and where to meet up next, nothing special. I could hear his breathing coming from my bed. We stayed at TeruTeru til late, so he just decided to crash at my place. Of course, I wouldn’t have let my loved one sleep on the thin mattress on the floor. At that point, he didn’t even try to protest anymore since it had been that way since high school. The only time he slept on my mattress on the floor was the very first time he came over, when I wasn’t head over heels in love with the guy. Halfway through our first year, he had already well occupied the bed in my small apartment at the time.

I stared at his beautiful face that shone in the pale blue moonlight. I really did enjoy sleeping on the floor when he came over. The position of my bed was in such a place that the moonlight would seep through the thin curtains to produce soft rays of light on the bed, where Kyosuke slept. Hell, I arranged it that way on purpose so that I could marvel at such a sight whenever he came over. It was just one of my guilty pleasures that I enjoyed. I never did anything else besides that though. I always just stared at him til I fell into a deep sleep.

But I didn’t feel sleepy. I had slept the entire afternoon and albeit sick, I still had quite a bit of energy. I propped myself up on my left arm to bring my face closer to his. _Shit. He’s hugging my pillow. So adorable. I want to be that pillow. I want you to be my pillow. I want you._

I sighed lightly and quietly, careful not to awake him from his slumber. I spotted his hand teasing the corners of my pillowcase. Slowly, I pulled his hand out a little from his body to let it lay on the bed, relaxed and not touching anything. I caressed his hand with my fingers, enjoying the feeling of his skin on mine. I weaved my fingers through his. His hands were a little shorter and more slender than mine. I buried my face into the bed and sighed deeply with happiness. _Damn, I’m whipped. What do I do when I get so excited holding his hand?_

“Kyosuke?” I whispered and waited for a response that never came.

“Kyosuke..” I repeated, a little softer and deeper. His breathing was even and steady. He was definitely asleep.

“I love you, Kyosuke.” _Ahhh! I said it! I finally said it to his face! He’s not pushing me away!_

Of course, I wasn’t crazy. I knew he didn’t respond simply because he was sleeping. But hey, a man could dream, right?

 _What if I climb into bed with him… He wouldn’t notice, right? I’ll just lay right next to him for a while and go back later…_ I thought as I cautiously stood up. As I pressed my left knee on the bed, I felt it dip under my weight and I held my breath, just waiting for him to wake up. He didn’t. I proceeded to rest my entire weight on the bed and lay beside him. Lying on my right arm, I gazed at his sleeping form. His white hair encasing his beautiful face, with no impurities, it looked like clay. He looked like a beautiful doll. I scooted a little closer to him to get a better look. And a little closer. A little more closer. I propped myself up on my arm and leaned in to his face. _I want to kiss him…_

I slowly picked up his left hand and held it in my grasp. His wrists were so slender, so fragile, so beautiful. I drew circles on the back of his hand with my thumb, happy with the skin contact. I brought it closer to my face and landed a light smooch on his hand. He winced, and next thing I knew, I was racing for my mattress and pulling the blanket over myself. _Oh shit, did he wake up? He’s gonna kill me._ I was sweating; waiting for him to call out my name was agonizing. He never did. _He’s still asleep. Lucky me._ I fell asleep feeling lightheaded at the happiness I just granted myself with. _I kissed his hand._

“Juzo,” I heard him call sternly from above. I didn’t answer. “Juzo.”

“Nnh… lemme alone…” I mumbled in my grogginess. I heard a loud ‘thud’ sound. _What’s that…_ , I felt heat radiating from next to me. Body heat. “Kyosuke..?” I turned to my side. He was next to me, staring at me. His bedhead was so cute, I ruffled it up without a second thought. “Bedhead…” I mumbled. I pulled him in closer to me, putting one leg over his legs and my arms around his waist. He didn’t fight me, though he did feel a little stiff. _If only Kyosuke could be like this in real life…_ I snuggled my nose into the arch between his neck and shoulder, sniffing his scent. “You smell so good… Kyosuke…”

“…Sakakura. What are you doing?”

_What the fuck._

_Is this a dream or is this not? He called me Juzo earlier; it’s a dream. But he did seem different. What is happening right now?_

“Uh,” I replied, at a complete loss for words.

“Sakakura, I can’t move,” he said as he looked at me expressionless.

_Holy shit. Shit shit shit. I’m awake. This ain’t a dream. Oh fuck what do I do._

“HUH. YES SIR,” I had never seen anyone separate themselves from their loved one any faster than I did. _FUCK._ I ducked my head down in shame.

“You act like a pervert when you’re half asleep,” he took the liberty to break the silence.

“Huh?” I looked up at him.

“Just grabbing people and clinging to them, sniffing them… Now that I put it that way, you just seem like a really big dog,” he laughed.

I returned his laugh with my own, though it was shaky. I wondered if he noticed.

“Now I wonder what you have done to other people who’ve been in this room…” he thought out loud, looking at me suspiciously.

“What! No! I don’t do that to everyone! And you’re the only one I let stay over,” I explained in my panic.

“Oh.. So you had no chances to show your real perverted self to girls, eh?” he teased me, smirking. At that point, I realized he was just making fun of the situation, which is rare for his type of character, though it does happen occasionally. “It’s such a pity though. You’re quite popular with the ladies. Just because Chisa doesn’t like you, it doesn’t mean others don’t.”

“Kyosuke, I’ve told you countless times. I really don’t see her that way. She’s more like a mother hen than a potential love interest. Cut it out,” I ruffled up my hair, facing the floor. I felt a little hurt by his words.

“…Really?”

“Really. No feelings whatsoever.”

“Then why did you always seem so sad when you saw us together?”

Hearing that, my gaze shot up to look at him. He was frowning. I couldn’t tell if it was out of worry or anger or anything else.

“Ever since we told you we were together, you never seemed as bright as you were before. You’d excused yourself early and avoid eye contact with me when all of us were together. Even Chisa noticed it after a while. We thought you just needed time, but you’re like this until now. Only when you’re with us individually do we feel that you’re completely fine. Why do you keep distancing yourself from us?”

“I was just letting the two lovebirds enjoy each other’s company. You wouldn’t wanna go on a date and have a friend tagging along, right? That’s common sense.”

“You of all people know that we invited you to hang out with you, not to go on a date and have you tag along like an extra.”

“Let’s just drop it, yeah? You two already… mutually separated on good terms so it doesn’t matter anymore,” I tried to put it in a way that didn’t seem condescending or spiteful. I didn’t want to think about it anymore, didn’t want to talk about it any longer.

“No, let’s not drop it. I want to know the reason. Chisa didn’t come over yesterday so that I could have this talk with you. Yesterday, I didn’t manage to bring it up. But I want you to answer me now,” Kyosuke egged me on to answer him.

“Kyosuke.. please. Drop it. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

“But I do, so we are going to talk about it.”

“No,” I refused.

“Juzo! Answer me! We can’t help you if you don’t!” I could hear his voice rising in proportion to his anger and impatience.

“I didn’t ask for your help! I’m completely fine!” I shouted at him, growing impatient too.

“You are NOT! That’s why I’m here having this talk with you in the first place! Tell me! I accepted the fact that you aren’t in love with Chisa, so tell me the real reason so we can sort this out!”

“Leave me alone! Get out!” I pointed towards the door. I felt my frustration welling up inside of me. I was angry and losing rationality.

“Or is it true? You’re unhappy simply because you’re actually in love with Chisa? If that’s the case, stop denying it and come clean!”

“Shit! Get it to your head! I can die a hundred times over and still not be in love with Chisa, dammit!” I stood up, looking down at him.

“Then why?!” Kyosuke stood up abruptly too, standing closer and looking up at me.

“Fuck, because I’m in love with YOU!” I seethed, almost bumping foreheads with him as I edged closer to his face. I didn’t know what was out of my mouth before I could even think.

Kyosuke stood frozen in his spot. His wide eyes felt like they were penetrating into my soul. _What the fuck did I just say?_ As realization dawned on me, I began to panic. I could feel my heart pounding louder and louder against my chest, as if it would pop right out if I had no ribcage. My hands started sweating and shaking. _I have to get him out of here,_ I thought. I knew I was not emotionally prepared for his rejection. It had taken me so many years to accept the fact that I could not let him go, it would take me at least some time to prepare myself for the rejection of a long-term love.

“Get out,” I ordered as I placed both hands on his shoulder from behind and gently pushed him towards the door.

“H-huh? Sakakura,” he craned his head to look at me, though he walked obediently, guided by me.

“Out,” I sighed. “I need some time alone.” I opened the door and pushed him out.

The last thing I saw as I closed the door was Kyosuke’s surprised and confused face. I locked it and and sat down, leaning against the door. I could feel cold sweat trickle down my face and neck. _It’s all over… Fuck._

_________________

_One week. I’ve been avoiding him for a week. What if he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore? Fuck, of course he doesn’t. It’d take a miracle for him to want to be friends with some creepy homo like me who smells him in my sleep. Shit._

I was sitting in a comfy chair at TeruTeru in the early evening. I didn’t want to hole myself up at home feeling depressed when the weather was so nice and windy. Being able to look out the glass walls was very reassuring, knowing that I’d be able to dash out of there if I had seen Kyosuke in the vicinity. Of course, I also knew that he would not have been there, since he had no reason to be. Throughout the week, I had received many calls from Kyosuke, though all of them went unanswered. I didn’t want to talk to him.

*Ring ring*

 _Speak of the devil_ , I thought.

I grabbed my phone to hang up, but I saw the caller’s name and paused. I decided to answer the call.

“…”

“Sakakura-kun..?” She sounded worried.

“…Chisa,” I called out her name, feeling sorry.

“U-um, how are you?” I could tell she was trying to make small talk.

“Fine. What did you call for?” Getting straight to the point, I wanted to end the conversation right then and there.

“I heard from Kyosuke.. About you and him.. A-actually, he-” Guilt struck me as I thought of how I betrayed them for falling in love with the man of my best friend.

“Chisa.. I’m sorry,” I apologized immediately. “I’m sorry,” I repeated.

“What are you apologizing for?” she asked slowly.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry for hurting you… with my feelings.” I felt so guilty. A failure of a friend.

“Sakakura Juzo,” she said sternly, though I could still the hurt in her voice. “You’ve never done anything wrong. Don’t blame yourself for anything. You’re not the reason I broke up with Kyosuke. You’re not the reason I fell out of love with him. You’ve never done us any wrong. You have never hurt me before and you’re not.. doing so now. You didn’t… do anything…” she sobbed into the phone. “All you ever did… was.. fall in love…” I could  hear her crying louder into the phone.

“Chisa… please don’t cry..” I felt like crying too. Feeling my eyes get teary, I faced down so no one could see me. I had always been weak to a woman’s tears, panicking when they cry.

“Sakakura-kun…” she called out my name. I wanted to go home to hide my pathetic self from the public eye.

“Chisa, where are you? Are you okay?

I heard the bell chime of the door as it was opened. The phone hung up.

“Sakakura-kun…” she said as she stood there.

I looked up to see Chisa, staring at me with watery eyes and a running nose. She walked to my table and sat in the seat opposite to mine. “Sakakura-kun…” she said as her lips trembled. “I’m… sor-“

I had no choice but to get her out of there. She was about to become a crying mess. I had to save her face a little bit. Dragging her out of the restaurant, I brought her to my room and locked the door.

“SAKAKURA-KUN!” She cried into my chest and hugged me tightly. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” She stained my shirt with tears and snot.

“Chisa…” I slowly walked over to the damaged table in the centre of my room, allowing her to walk with me while hugging me. Grabbing a tissue box, I pulled her head off me slowly and held it out to her. “Tissue.”

“Sakakura-kun… You must’ve felt… so hurt… I’m so sorry…” she sobbed into the tissue, sitting down on a pillow I set out for her.

“It’s fine,” I comforted her. She didn’t seem to hear me through all her sobbing. “I’m used to it. I always knew I never had a chance.”

She stopped for a moment. Lifting her face from the tissue, she looked at me with the saddest eyes I had ever seen. “You… knew you never had a chance… Sakakura-kun! I’m so sorry!” She leaped towards me and hugged me again; I didn’t know if it was to comfort me or herself. I felt that she was even sadder than me. My attempt to comfort her only made it worse.

 “Chisa,” I smiled at her. “It’s okay. I’m fine. See?” I smiled at her. “The only thing making me sad is watching you cry, so it’d make me happy if you’d smile, okay?” I patted her on the back.

She looked up at me, her eyes already puffy and red. I watched as her expression changed in to a determined one. “Yes! I’ll smile so you’ll be happy! We’ll be happy!” She stood up, stomping on the ground as if to prove her point. “Yes! Dinner! Food! Let’s eat! Today we’ll fill our stomachs til we explode and watch the funniest movie ever!”

“Haha, yeah. We’ll be the happiest fucking pair of friends in the world tonight,” I laughed.

“Where should we go to eat?” she asked excitedly, raising her voice. “I heard of this really good restaurant, but it’s a little out of the w-“

*Ding dong*

Both our heads turned towards the door. We both went silent. A few more seconds passed when a second chime of the bell sounded.

*Ding dong*

“…Chisa? Sakakura? It’s me, Kyosuke,” we heard his voice from the other side of the door.

“Coming!” she shouted as she stood up and walked to the door. I grabbed her arm firmly. “Sakakura-kun?” She looked back at me.

“I… I’m not ready to see him yet,” I explained, gripping her arm tighter. “I don’t want to see him.”

“Are you sure? It’s a good chance to talk. You’ve been avoiding him for a week. He’s restless,” she said as she took my hands in hers.

“What if he tells me off for being gay…” I mumbled. “I’m not mentally prepared for that yet..”

She stared at me in shock. “Why do you think he would do that? He’s Kyosuke, not a monster. What has he ever done to make you think he would treat you that way?”

“He’s never done it, but that doesn’t mean he won’t do it now…” I looked up at her.

“Sakakura? Chisa?” Kyosuke called out, confused.

“We’re making him wait,” she said as she glanced at the door. “Are you sure you want to throw away this chance when he’s come all this way to see you?”

“…”

“Okay, that obviously means you want to see him. I’ll open the door now.” She made her way to the door to welcome Kyosuke in.

He looked worried. Taking a few slow steps into my apartment, he stopped a few feet in front of the door. I moved to sit on my bed, distancing us a little more as I watched him look to Chisa.

“Chisa, can we have some time alone?”

_Shit, he came to look for Chisa to get back together._

“..Okay. Try not to be insensitive,” she said and walked straight out the door. _Huh? Why isn’t Kyosuke following? Why is he closing the door? Why is he looking at me?_

“Sakakura,” he said cautiously, looking at me.

“Kyosuke,” I replied, leaning back on the bed. I put on my best I’m-completely-fine face.

He stepped slowly into the room and sat on the pillow on the floor, the one Chisa was sitting on earlier. He seemed nervous, as if he didn’t know what to say.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said last week,” he started. I waited for him to continue. “About.. your feelings for me,” he looked up at me. His expression was one of worry. He looked afraid. “And I-“

“You don’t have to answer to me,” I saved him the energy. “I already knew it was impossible anyway. Save your breath,” I said, rubbing my neck.

“Sakaku-“

“Kyosuke. I’d rather not hear it, okay? I didn’t avoid you for nothing. I was avoiding this. So _please,_ don’t say it. I don’t want to hear it,” I sighed, looking down. “You probably already thought of the gentlest way to put it, but I rather not hear it altogether. Let’s leave this ambiguous,” I explained. _I don’t want my heart to break again. At least let me live with this little ray of hope._

“Sakakura. Listen to me,” he stood up and sat on the edge of the bed, causing it to dip. “I will-“

I lurched to cover his mouth with my hand. _I don’t want to hear it._ “I told you not to say it! At the very least, let me live with this little bit of happiness!”

He pulled my hand off his mouth to continue, “I will-“

“KYOSUKE SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!” I shouted.

“YOU SHUT UP!” he shouted back. “Just listen! Let’s try!”

“Try what?”

“Dating.”

_Huh._

“Huh.”

“Dating, you and me,” he repeated.

“Don’t make fun of me, you fuck,” I raised my hand to push him off the bed.

“I’m not.”

“I don’t want to. That’s stupid.”

“Why not?”

“If you’ve never felt anything for me before, nothing will change after this. You’ll just realize that it’s not working out and call it quits. You don’t just choose you love. Hell, if one could do that, I wouldn’t have felt like shit all this time.”

“Sakakura. I’m not just doing this to return your feelings. I think I may like you too.”

_Huh._

“Huh.”

“I once thought that I liked you too. So it’s worth giving it a shot. No, it’ll work out. I’m positive.” He looked at me and grabbed me by my shoulders.

“Sakakura Juzo, I want you to be my lover.”


	2. Nervous But Happy

“Sakakura Juzo, I want you to be my lover.”

“Huh,” I stupidly blurted out. “W-What. What are you saying?” Even I was amazed at my inability to follow a conversation. He had been implying it for a while by then, but my mind simply could not comprehend the words that were coming out of his mouth. “Me? You? No, impossible,” I protested immediately. “I-I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I think it’s worth a shot,” he said decisively.

“N-no, I mean.. what are we even going to do as…” I paused as I pondered about what I was about to say. “… _lovers?_ ”

“I don’t know,” his stare boring into me. “But it’s better than doing nothing.”

I sat there, looking at him with my eyes wide. His hands were still firmly gripping my shoulders, not budging an inch. He seemed tired and in need of sleep, judging from the eyebags under his eyes. It was obvious he had not gotten much sleep recently. Other than that, nothing else was out of the ordinary. _He has finally gone mad… To be able to consider a man… It was probably because of Chisa who broke up with him…_ My heart felt sad for his disturbed self.

“Kyosuke, you’re not thinking clearly,” I looked at him, pulling his hands off me. “You’re lacking sleep. Your eyebags are so dark I can see two black holes forming. Go get some rest,” I picked him up and forced him into bed and tucked him under the sheets.

“W-wha-?! No, I’m fine! Get me out!” he tried to shove the blanket off himself, but he was no match for me in terms of strength. Despite his tall stature, I was even bigger and stronger.

Watching him struggle fruitlessly made me realize how much power I had over him, holding him down effortlessly. I knew I had gained a lot of muscle from working out at the gym, but I never knew it’d be so easy to pin him down to my bed. Was he weak or was I strong? I had no idea. His face was slowly reddening as he lost his breath while trying to get up. _He’s so small and helpless… I can do whatever I want with him.._ my thoughts drifted. His helplessness only made him cuter. I wanted to kiss him.

So, I let him go.

He bounced out of the sheets, panting to gain his breath back. “Haa… haa…. Sakakura! Don’t do that again. That felt truly unpleasant, being trapped underneath the sheets that way.”

“Yeah, sorry. Kyosuke, drop the topic and sleep tonight,” I sighed, walking to my kitchen to grab a glass of water. “About what you said… If… if you still feel the same way after gaining back your sanity tomorrow morning, then we’ll give it a try. I don’t want you to make such a hasty decision and regret it a few hours later,” I looked at him, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. I knew I was basically throwing away my chances with him. _There was no way you’d want me when you’re sane. You just want comfort from the break up._

He looked at me skeptically, processing what I had just said. “Hmm.. I can understand your reasoning. Alright,” he paused. “After I wake from my sleep, we will talk about this again. Don’t go back on what you said,” he stopped, waiting for my response.

“Mmh,” I nodded, walking to him and handing the glass to him. “You look tired. Drink and go to sleep.”

He took it and gulped it down. “Thanks,” he said as he handed it back to me, wiping his lips. I watched as he slowly buried himself underneath my blanket and snuggled into my bed. After confirming that he was cozy in my bed, I set the glass down on the table nearby and went to sleep too. _Just a few more hours until he regains a sound mind and realizes how absurd he was behaving earlier…_ I thought as I drifted into a deep sleep.

 

“Juzo, why do you keep pushing me away?” he asked as he held my hands in his, looking up at me.

“You don’t want me,” I replied immediately. “I’m a man.”

“Didn’t I say that it’s worth a try? We could _be_ something.”

I clenched my teeth at what he said. _Why can’t you stop pestering me, even in my dreams? Can’t you let me sleep in peace?_ “It’s not my way to try something I know is bound to fail.”

“Juzo.. don’t you want me?”

“What I want and what will be are entirely different..” I said as my final words to the Kyosuke in my dream.

 

“Sakakura. Sakakura. Saka-“

“Shhhh…. Kyosuke…. Sleep….” I mumbled.

“Get up,” he said, patting me on the shoulder from atop his bed.

I sighed, acknowledging that I was not going to go back to sleep. “Mmh… What?” I opened one eye to look at him, the other still too drowsy to pry open. I rubbed the back of my neck as I sat up to look at him.

“I’ve slept an entire’s night worth of sleep. I’m thinking clearly now. Let’s date,” he said straightforwardly.

I looked at him as he stared at me. “…Okay,” I said as I thought of my impending doom. _Wonder how long he’s gonna take to dump me..._ I glanced at the clock hanging on my pale green wall. _Eight o’clock in the morning huh… How typical of him to wake me up at a precise hour._ It was Tuesday morning. How lucky I thought I was that he was here to spend the morning with me. “Are you busy today?” I asked him, hoping he’d say he had nothing planned.

“No. All the plans for the meetings are going as planned, so I’m not busy today. I don’t think I have to go to work today. I’ll let Chisa take care of everything,” he said, grabbing his phone. He was probably texting Chisa about his decision. Despite their break up, their relationship did not change at all. Kyosuke was the president of the well-known company, Future Foundation and right by his side was Chisa, the vice president. They had always worked so well together, everyone thought they’d rule the world together. I knew because sometimes I dropped by to help out when they were understaffed, though that only happened when Kyosuke had just founded the company. Pretty soon that job was taken over by Mitarai Ryouta, a small wimpy man but with a highly intelligent mind. I considered him one of the biggest assets of Future Foundation.

I was simply a writer. I wrote mystery and thriller novels most of the time on the surface. My work brought about many fans, though I myself never thought my work was any good. However, it did give me the boost to make it into a series. After the success of the first book, I began to take my work more seriously to expand the original story. It earned me enough. I only considered that my job.

I had two pseudonyms. One of them was for the mystery novels. The other more girly one was for love stories. I had purposefully used a female name. Those novels also received good feedback, but I didn’t care. Those love stories had my feelings engraved in them; everything I had wanted to say were in them. Knowing I’d never get the chance to reveal my feelings, I poured them into writing. I knew it was a cowardly way of running away, but I wanted to vent. One thing led to another and I ended up publishing those under a different name. It was a secret to everyone else but my manager, Takumi Hijirihara. I threatened to bash his face in if he told anyone else.

I sighed silently with relief when he said he wasn’t too busy. He was never free, but there were times he’d make time for someone when he considered it important. What made me happy that morning was that there was absolutely nothing special going on and he still decided to spend the day with me.

“So,” he clicked his phone to put it to sleep. “Wanna go out?”

_______________

              I parked my car near a convenience store that was quite far from where I lived. I had suggested to walk in the park in my panic when he asked me what I wanted to do.  _Lovers... he's mine..._ I thought happily.

              We walked side by side in the park. I looked very dark, with black clothes and boots. It was cold, so I wore black to absorb the heat, with the exception of a dark red scarf. It was absolutely freezing outside. It was a stupid idea to suggest going for a walk in the park in that kind of weather. I cursed myself for being so dumb. I could see his hands trembling, but he managed to keep his face expressionless. _I fucked up,_ I thought.

“Ah, it’s so hot,” I complained loudly. “I feel like I’m about to start sweating. Kyosuke, can you hold on to this for a while? My hair feels a little messy,” I pulled the scarf off to feel the cold wind blow onto my neck. _Holy shit! So fucking cold! We’re gonna freeze our asses off!_ I passed the scarf to him.

His gaze shifted between me and the scarf. _Did I do it smoothly enough? I thought my act was convincing enough._ “Thanks..” he mumbled before wrapping it around himself, shielding his face up to his eyes. I could tell he was freezing from how he covered himself up. He looked like hamster. At that moment, I thought I would be willing to give him all my clothes and die in the cold if it was to see him look that adorable.

“N-No problem,” I blushed, pulling my coat up to cover my face. We walked silently on the pavement, side by side. I gazed up at the sky, thanking whoever it was up there who had granted me the chance to be with Kyosuke.

We made small talk with each other. The only real thing we were both familiar with was Chisa, so we talked about her and our memories of high school.

“She knocked down the expensive vase at the supermarket,” Kyosuke recalled.

“We got into deep shit for that. I never want to scrub tyres again,” I laughed.

“I didn’t do that. I was told to sort out the files in the secretarial department…” he trailed off looking at me.

“Yeah, because the lady liked your face. Of course she wanted to see you whenever she could. Chisa and I had to scrub tyres and… other jobs.”

“What other jobs?” he asked as he tilted his head with curiosity.

“You don’t want to know, man…” I laughed.

“Chisa also accidentally set the kites we took a month to make on fire...” he mentioned, looking down.

“We ended up having to use bedsheets to replace the kites.. And those kites were to be used in front of the entire school board too. I’m amazed we managed to pull it off in the end,” I sighed.

“Thinking about it now… isn’t Chisa a klutz?” he said as he looked at me with eyes that looked like he just made an amazing discovery.

“I thought we established that the moment we met her,” I quickly responded.  “She broke one of the table legs and two chairs on the first day of school, breaking the record for time taken for school property to be vandalized since the start of the term. We teased her throughout high school for that, too,” I laughed.

“Chisa does everything else so well that I forgot how much she struggles at daily activities…” he mumbled, putting his index finger and thumb to his chain.

“Hahahahaha!” I laughed at Kyosuke’s seriousness. Chisa was always the moodmaker out of the three of us. I was always hot-headed and quick to blow my top. When we had first met Kyosuke, he didn’t even know how to take a joke. His poker face and calm way of speaking led some people to spread rumors that he was an android. There was no exact time, but Kyosuke eased up and began laughing more over the years.

Kyosuke laughed with me too, reminiscing of the disasters we encountered because of Chisa. We were cut off by Kyosuke’s phone.

*Ping*

“Ah, a message,” he said as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. I looked down at the tall man. He was only a little shorter than me. _To think I think of this huge man as cute on a daily basis…_ I thought.

After putting his phone to sleep, he looked up at me. “Sorry, Sakakura. It seems I have urgent business at the company,” he apologized.

“No problem,” I smiled. “If it’s so urgent, shall I drive you there?” I held out my keys.

“Sorry, it’s so far too.. but it’s important.”

“No problem. I’m free today. I wanted to go to town anyway.”

“Thanks,” he smiled faintly.

We made our way to the car and sighed deeply when we finally got into it, embracing the warmth it granted us with. We were so relieved to be shielded from the cold winds. “Okay, seatbelt,” I reminded him before reversing out of the parking lot.

_______________

“Thanks for dropping me off,” he said as he got out of the car and closed it behind him, taking huge strides to the building. _He really was in a rush.._

“No problem…,” I replied to no one in my car. I looked down at the red scarf on the passenger seat. I put it in my lap before driving away. I felt Kyosuke’s warmth from the scarf seep into my lap.

 _What should I do now…_ I wondered to myself. _Should I buy some groceries? Yeah, I’ll do that. My fridge is almost empty._

I drove to Monokuma Mall, listening to music on the radio. It was a large building, coloured black and white all over with a hint of red. There were many branches of it in other districts, too. The building was so massive that the parking lot behind it was almost always covered in darkness, lest for when the Sun was directly above it. It made a very good place for parking vehicles so that they wouldn’t heat up. The building itself had 13 floors, excluding the parking lot underground. Although most people preferred to park behind the gigantic building, I always went below the surface. Reason for that was simple: I had no umbrella. If it started to rain while I was inside the building, I wasn’t going to be able to get out without buying an umbrella. I didn’t see the hassle of going down a few floors in the elevator to get to my car anyway.

I sat in the car and held the scarf to my face. _I can smell his scent on my scarf,_ I thought as my face flushed red. _It was close enough for his scent to rub off on it.._ I spent a few more minutes in my car sniffing my scarf until some old woman started looking at me weird. I would’ve spent more time there had it not been for that woman. She was probably watching me for a while to be able to pull such an expression at me. I wondered what she might’ve been thinking. “Pervert,” I saw her mouth out before walking away. My face flushed and I slammed my head onto the driving wheel of my car in embarrassment, completely aware of what I had just done in front of her. It was no wonder that she called me a pervert.

After buying supplies and shopping in a few stores, I threw the food into the boot and put the more fragile objects in the backseat of the car. I sat in the driver’s seat, heaving a deep sigh at my exhaustion. I reached out for the scarf again, looking around to make sure nobody was around to see me. I put it to my face again and inhaled deeply. _This is bliss,_ I thought. I glanced at the time. I was starving. _Lunchtime._ I looked at the food I had just bought. I thought about the time I needed to get home to cook. I looked around at where I was: the underground parking lot of Monokuma Mall.

 _Screw it, I’ll just grab a bite here. I’m too hungry to go home to cook for myself._ I got out of my car and locked it before stepping into the elevator. I was unwelcomed by a stupid couple kissing intimately in the corner of the elevator. The girl was extremely small and wore cute clothes. She fed candy to the supposed boyfriend, who ate it immediately and mumbled “Dewicious” or something along those lines. I thought it didn’t suit his appearance. But who was I to judge? I didn’t care where they decided to get it on. It didn’t bother me.

I made my way to the 10th floor, which had the most restaurants and food shops in Monokuma Mall. The floor was so vast it felt like it took forever to simply wander around looking for food. I wandered aimlessly for a while to decide on what to eat before spotting a hand waving at me. It was Chisa.

“Chisa,” I greeted as I walked up to her. “Sakakura-kun! Come eat with us!” She patted the seat beside her. Kyosuke and Mitarai, the wimpy intelligent man was sitting opposite her. “Uhh, okay. I’ll go order first then.” I made my way to the counter to order a truckload of food to satisfy my ever-growing hunger.

“Sakakura-kun,” she called me as I sat down after ordering my food. “What are you doing here? You don’t usually come all the way,” she smiled.

“I dropped Kyosuke off at the company earlier so I came over to buy stuff. Then I got hungry.”

“Ah, I see. _That’s_ why Kyosuke didn’t have a car to drive us here. Oh, how are you going to get back if you don’t have a car, Kyosuke?” she turned to him as her eyes brightened.

“I’ll get a tax-“

“You can’t?! Hm, such a problem!” she said excitedly, cutting Kyosuke off.

“No, I’ll get-“

“I have an idea! Sakakura-kun, you should pick him up!” she said as she snapped her fingers and turned to me, interrupting Kyosuke again.

“Huh?” I said as my mouth hung open.

“Chisa, it’s fine. I can ge-“

“Your car is also at Sakakura’s apartment, right? You have to go there anyway,” she said as-a-matter-of-factly.

“…”

I averted my gaze to Kyosuke. “…I don’t mind picking you up,” I said nonchalantly.

“Woooow! That’s great! Now you have a ride home, Kyosuke!” she smiled. We ignored the fact that Kyosuke’s home wasn’t my apartment.

“Thanks, Sakakura,” Kyosuke said as he sipped his drink. I felt a sharp jab in my waist as Chisa elbowed me with a smirk on her face. _What. Did he tell her what happened already? That’d be the only explanation, I guess._

All our food arrived at the same time. I figured they had just ordered when Chisa called me over.

“How are you even going to eat all that…” Mitarai finally spoke up, looking at my food in awe.

“I will. I’m starving,” I said as I grabbed my utensils.

“That can last me for 3 days…” he mumbled.

At that moment, Kyosuke, Chisa and my thoughts were all synced. We all looked at him in silence. _That food is not even enough for one day.. Let alone three…_

_“This evidence supports his small stature.”_

_“Oh no! That’s already considered malnutrition!”_

_“I think the last time I ate that little was before I reached puberty… No wonder he’s so puny and wimpy.”_

“H-huh? Why are all of you looking at me like that?” he looked around nervously.

“Mitarai-kun,” Chisa looked at him.

“Y-yes?” he squeaked.

“Tomorrow we’re going to eat in the office. I’ll make food for you,” she looked at him blankly.

“N-no, it’s fine. That’d be too much trouble for you, Yukizome-san,” he rejected politely, blushing.

“She’s doing that so Future Foundation won’t have a news coverage on a dead body found near the President’s office next week,” I pointed at Mitarai. “You’re going to die early at this rate, Mitarai-kun.”

“O-oh,” he looked down and laughed nervously. “Ahaha, thank you for the trouble, Yukizome-san,” he thanked her, bowing his head.

“We’ll start tomorrow. Let’s have lunch together!” she beamed. It was such a sight to see two opposites interacting that way. Chisa, who was always bright and was practically the Sun, and Mitarai, who brought a dark purple cloud everywhere with him, though he always had a weak smile when talking to us. I appreciated his efforts to be polite.

We ate our food mostly silently, with Chisa occasionally breaking the silence with a few jokes that were not even funny. We laughed at her pathetic self who thought she was hilarious. Kyosuke and I always loved hearing her jokes, because we’d look forward to her reaction to her own joke and we’d laugh as well.

As everyone finished their food, I bid my goodbyes to them. “Kyosuke, when should I pick you up?”

“7 o’clock,” he replied sharply.

“Got it. See you later.

We separated and I drove home. I got everything out of my car and put them away.

_______________

As I finished typing out the last sentence of the mystery novel, I sighed and leaned back in my rolling chair. I turned off my laptop and arched my back to crack my stiff spine that had been in the same position for hours. _Should I just quit and get a job that doesn’t cause me to become a fatass?_ I pondered for a while, but decided against it since it, well, brought in enough money to live. And I worked out at the gym.

Looking up at the clock to check the time, it was still two hours before seven. I sat in my chair. _He wouldn’t have eaten dinner by then.. Should I make dinner? Or should we go out to eat? Which would make him less exhausted?_ After thinking for a while, I decided to prepare dinner.  _Preparing dinner for my lover..._ I thought. It was really beginning to sink in then.  _He's... really mine. He belongs to me.. What do I do so he doesn't leave me?_

I jumped out from my chair to give myself the enthusiasm to cook, but slowly made my way over to my kitchen. My kitchen was of average size, with two stoves, a dishwasher, a sink, fridge, few wooden and glass cabinets. I put on the apron Chisa had gotten me for Christmas last year. It was yellow with large pink flowers all over it. She had done it to tease me, but I never actually minded it since it was practical and of high quality. I opened one of the cabinets below the stoves to get pots and pans.

 _I think he’d like a lot of meat today,_ my intuition told me. _Fried.. yeah. But I guess I should make soup too so he doesn’t get sick from too much fried food..._ I laid out the ingredients swiftly onto the countertop. I was quite happy I had marinated meat. It increased my number of options to prepare dinner for Kyosuke. I boiled some water on the stove and began putting in ingredients to make a creamy soup, a consistency I knew he loved. He never liked it when it flowed as swiftly as water. I thought it was cute that he was so fussy about such little things.

After preparing what I could for dinner; at least, the parts where I needed to cook for a long time, I took a shower and got dressed. I prepared a clean set of clothing and new underwear and folded them neatly on the table. I also placed a fresh new towel in the bathroom. Locking the door to my apartment, I proceeded to hit the ‘Descend’ button at the lift. I looked at my watch, just to ensure I wasn’t late. I wasn’t. I would arrive with ample time.

_______________

 

I arrived at Future Foundation fifteen minutes before seven o’clock. I parked my car at the parking lot and closed my eyes. Not bothering to call Kyosuke as I knew he’d come out at seven sharp, I switched the radio on and let the music calm my nerves.

*Knock knock*

“WHOA!” I shouted. I looked out my window to see Kyosuke’s doll-like face frighteningly close. “SHIT!” I shouted in my shock. I saw him stifle a laugh. _Dammit._

I unlocked the door to let him in. “Hey. You scared me,” I greeted him.

“I know,” he smiled as he got into the passenger seat.

“So, you’ve eaten dinner yet?” I asked him, reversing out of the parking lot.

“No. Where should we go for dinner?” he asked.

“Uhh, I can cook if you want,” I offered, as if I hadn’t already spent an hour and a half preparing it.

“You sure? We can just go grab a bite anywhere, really.”

“Yeah,” I replied.

Driving home, I asked him about work and his day. His replies were short and simple which meant that his day was completely average: productive and well.

As we got out of the car and I locked the door, I told him, “Take a bath first. I’ll prepare dinner in the meantime.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

Entering my apartment, I handed him the set of clothes and went to the kitchen. I heard the bathroom door click behind me and the shower turn on.

I fried the meat until it was soft and tender, seasoning it with salt and pepper and prepared mushroom sauce (his favorite) and poured it into a small bowl so he could pour it over the meat as he liked later. I took the mashed potatoes with milk, mixing them altogether one more time before putting it into the oven and turned it on. I checked the soup to make sure it was ready to be served. I prepared a simple salad with tomatoes, cabbage and fried egg. It was still steaming hot when he came out of the bathroom.

              I listened as his footsteps got louder. I proceeded to get out a few bottles of drinks from the fridge and two glasses. I heard his footsteps halt. With my back turned to him, I asked “What would you like to drink? Beer? Wine? Juice?”

              “…Juice,” he replied softly. I could hear him ruffling up his hair with a towel to dry it. I poured orange juice into the two clear glasses.

              “Hey,” I said as I spun my body around to face him. “I have a hairdr…” my words trailed off as I took in his appearance. Contrary to his neat and strict appearance at work, his hair was all messed up which made him look like a kid. He was wearing my clothes and they were draping over his body. I didn’t realize I had prepared clothes for sleepwear so they were a little baggy and loose even for me, so it looked completely oversized on him. One of his sleeves was rolled up to his wrist, the other completely shielding his hand from sight. His pants hid his feet; I thought he was going to fall with so much clothing he could step on. _He’s so fucking adorable. Oh shit._ I turned my back to him immediately, feeling the blush on my face spread to my ears. “S-sorry.. I forgot we weren’t the same size.. You can choose whatever you like from my cupboard,” I offered, though I secretly didn’t want him to.

              “It’s fine. It’s comfortable like this,” he said, walking into the kitchen. I thanked the heavens silently.

              “Ah, Kyosuke. It’s fine. You don’t have to help. Just go sit at the dining table. I’m already done.”

              “I can help,” he casually said.

              “Then, go put away the towel.”

              “Okay,” he complied obediently. I took advantage of this time to lay out the table as nicely as possible and sat down in my seat, waiting for him.

              He emerged out of the bathroom and walked towards the dining table. My heart melted when I saw his face light up at the sight of the food. _Cooking his favourite food was definitely the right choice,_ I thought.

              “Oh! You cooked my favourites,” he exclaimed, beaming at the food. “Thanks, Sasakura,” he smiled at me, his eyes narrowing with the uplift of his cheeks.

              “You’re welcome,” I said while rubbing the back of my neck. “Dig in.”

We sunk our teeth into the food. Well, he did. I spent most of the time stealing glances at him munching on the food happily. _My lover is eating my food..._

“This is delicious,” he said as he sipped the soup. “Sasakura.. really. Thank you. I know this must’ve taken a lot of time,” he smiled.

              “Oh, it was nothing special. I just threw together a few ingredients and stuff…” I mumbled, looking down in embarrassment. It was not common that Kyosuke was so happy to eat my food.

“I know the soup takes at least an hour of preparation,” he stated happily as he drank it. I realized I had barely touched my food by then, so I quickly ate it to finish at the same time with Kyosuke.

_______________

 

“Let me help you with the dishes,” Kyosuke offered.

“What about you wipe the table first? Then you can help me rinse the dishes later,” I suggested.

“Okay.” He quickly grabbed the tablecloth, rinsed it with water and squeezing out the excess before exiting the kitchen.

 _That was the best dinner of my life... When can I do that again?_ I thought as I scrubbed the dishes with a soap-soaked sponge.

“I’m done,” he said into my ear.

“Wha-!” I jumped a little. “That was fucking fast!”

“Yes.”

“…Here,” I scooted over to the left to make space for him. We washed the dishes together before resting on the couch. My arm was resting on the headrest behind him. It made me nervous but happy nonetheless. We were watching an action show together. “Tired?” I asked as he began to yawn.

“Not really,” he replied, yawning again.

“Wanna sleep?” I asked again. He was obviously sleepy.

“No,” he replied that sounded like it merged with a yawn. He wrapped the blanket around him tighter. _He’s cold._

Not gonna lie, I felt pretty smug at that moment. Earlier that afternoon, I bought a heater at Monokuma Mall. _I knew this would come in handy. Who knew it’d be so soon. Heheh._ I chuckled to myself. I brought it closer to the couch on my side and turned it on.

“Oh, you had a heater? I didn’t know,” he looked surprised and pleased.

“I got it earlier at the mall. Nice, isn’t it?” I smirked as I sat back into my seat.

“Yes. Very warm,” he said as he scooted over a little closer to me to feel the heater’s warmth. I blushed.

“I-if you’re so cold, you can sit closer,” I said as I got up, but he pulled me back down by the arm.

“Stay,” he said, causing my heart to skip a beat. “Body heat is nice too.” _Well it’s great that I’m a living, breathing, heat-emitting human being, ain’t I?_

“O-okay. Since you like my heat..” _Well that wasn’t smooth at all. ‘Like my heat’? What was that? Don’t screw it up._ “Since I’m warm..” _That doesn’t make it any better, idiot._

“Mm… Warm..”

We sat there for what felt like forever, but it was just a few short minutes. He was leaning against my shoulder. I sat there frozen, unable to move, unable to think, unable to calm down. _What if he hears the beating of my heart? He’s so close._ Little did I know that he was sound asleep, unaware of my internal conflict. After realizing he was asleep, I swiftly carried him to my bed and tucked him in. Surprisingly, he was quite clingy and kept his hands wrapped around my back as his face pressed against my chest.

I could feel his hot breath on my chest, his inhales and exhales controlling me. I tried my hardest not to wake him as I attempted to pry his arms off me. The skin contact was driving me mad. He took forever to finally let go, and by the time I had successfully sealed him underneath the blanket, I knew I had a stiffy in my pants.

 _Fuck my sexual desires,_ I thought as I looked down at the tent in my pants. It was already half hard from all the touching. The sight of Kyosuke’s sleeping face right in front of me and the thought that the beautiful man lying on my bed was my lover only made things a whole lot worse in my pants.  _Shit, I want to cum._

I pondered about the location for my self-pleasuring activity. The bedroom, where Kyosuke was, or the bathroom, the proper place to do it and not be a complete creep. I didn’t want to be a creep so I opted for the bathroom. But I was creepy enough to burn the image of Kyosuke sleeping in my bed into my mind before going to the bathroom.

Clicking the door shut as silently as possible, I pulled my pants down to my thighs and let my dick spring out of it. It was big and was demanding to be touched. I was already panting as I sat down on the toilet bowl. I reached over for the hand lotion at the sink and poured it all over my hot dick. It felt so cold on me. I smeared it evenly all over my dick, moaning as I did so and proceeded to start stroking myself gently. “Haa… Haa…” I breathed heavily. I teased the tip of the cock with my thumb and let out a grunt. “Fuck,” I groaned as I started playing with my balls too. It felt so fucking good. My strokes gradually became faster and harder, in tune with my rising arousal. My muscles were tense and my heartbeat rapid.

I threw my head up with my eyes closed as I continued pumping my cock harder and harder, precum dripping over it. I pulled my pants further down til they were off my legs so I could spread my legs wider to massage my balls. “Ahh… shit… fuck that’s good,” I moaned a bit louder as I touched a sensitive spot on my balls.

Kyosuke’s sleeping face came to mind at that point. My cock grew harder and larger immediately and my hand was moving faster and faster. “Kyo… su.. ke…” I moaned his name as I felt my hand slowly being covered by my precum. There was so much that it felt like my hand could slip off my dick. The cold feeling of the lotion against my burning cock was so great that I my legs started twitching. “Kyo… Kyo…” I moaned louder. My teeth were clenched hard and I could feel the saliva in my mouth. My whole body felt like it was on fire. I played with my dick with both my hands, twisting around it in opposite directions to pleasure myself.

 _“J-Juzo..”_ I fantasized Kyosuke saying my name. “ _Juzo… you’re so big..”_ I groaned as I teased the head of my cock. “ _And hard… and hot…”_ I imagined what it’d be like if Kyosuke stroke my dick, his smaller hands moving up and down my dick as it trembled with pleasure. I was twitching all over, moaning louder and louder. “Kyo… Kyo…suke… touch me...” I breathed out, pumping my dick slower. “Kyosuke.. the head.. touch it...” I whimpered as I imagined him teasing me with his fingers slowly, his other hand stroking my balls lightly. I teased the slit of my cock slowly and lightly touched my balls, imitating the fantasy I was having. My breathing was uneven and unsteady. “Fuck…” My cock was twitching wildly, ready to blow. I held it back, slowing down my strokes.

I stood up and attempted to lean against the wall, but my knees were so weak from the pleasure that I collapsed onto the floor. But that didn’t hinder my intense masturbation. I was stroking myself harder and faster as I used my right hand to steady myself up. All I could manage to do was kneel on one knee as I pumped my cock harder. The precum coated my entire dick and was flying everywhere as I stroked it rapidly, causing the droplets to land on the walls and floor. My hips jerked forward into my palm as the pleasure took over my body. _I want to cum I want to cum I want to cum._ I leaned against the wall as my hands alternated between slow and fast strokes, causing me to feel immeasurable pleasure in my hot dick. I was moaning and groaning like a beast in heat, unable to hold in my voice any longer. “Kyo… Kyosuke…!” I moaned, clenching my teeth hard.

My hips jerked into my palms again as they continued pumping my trembling cock hard, my body twitching all over. “Kyosuke...! I-I’m gonna-“ I groaned louder. “C-cum!!” My hips jerked uncontrollably in my palms as I felt hot liquid shoot out of the slit of my cock. I watched as long streams of semen shot out one after another all over the floor and walls, flowing down rapidly due to the massive amount. The wall of the bathtub was stained with my semen. “-gh! Ugh!” I groaned as I continued ejaculating, pleasure flowing through my body in waves. I pumped myself til I was dry, my cock slowly going limp.

My eyes were teary and nose was a little runny. It had lasted a little too long that the pleasure was taking over me. I was breathing and panting so hard, and I had just realized how hard my heart had been beating. It was pounding in my chest and I never felt so tired but satisfied in my life. I stayed on the ground a little longer, my knees too jelly-like to allow movement. _Fuck, that felt so good.._ I thought to myself. I looked down to see the mess I had made. Sure enough, it was _everywhere._

 _Holy shit, it’s fucking everywhere. There’s so much._ I rest my arm on the wall for a little support before feeling something sticky there too. _Fuck! There’s more on the wall?! How much did I cum?_ As I regained the strength in my legs and stood up, I backed myself up against the wall to evaluate the mess I had made. _Holy crap, this is a fucking nightmare. I have to clean this up._

Sure enough, it was this time that my beloved decided to wake up and knock on the door.

*Knock knock*

 _FUCK!_ I literally jumped and stumbled at the sink, but silently.

“Sakakura…?” _He sounds drowsy as fuck. Good. It means he didn’t hear me earlier._

“Uh, yeah?” I called out.

“I-I wannuh use the toilet..” he slurred his words a little. _That’s cute, but I don’t have time for that!_

I looked at the nightmare in the bathroom. Cum all over the walls and floor, precum coating the toilet seat. It was a fucking mess.

“Um, can you wait a while? My stomach’s not feeling so good,” I called out, embarrassed. I knew that was the only way to save myself from further embarrassment. I’d rather tell him I had constipation than tell him that I was masturbating to him in the bathroom. I bolted for the tissues to clean the toilet seat first. I was panicking like a madman.

“Mmh.. okay..” I heard him walk lightly back to my room.

 _SHIT!_ I cleaned my hands slippery with semen before grabbing a shitload of tissues and scrubbing the tub clean as quickly as possible. I did the same with the walls and floor in my haste. Then I realized my dick was still hanging out and dangling between my legs so I quickly slipped my underwear and pants back on after wiping myself down too. I did all of it in record time. As I wiped the last stain I could see on the floor, I tossed it into the toilet bowl and flushed all the evidence away.

              I washed my arms and legs with soap to rid myself of the smell of semen as fast as I could. I had hoped he didn’t notice the smell in the bathroom because I couldn’t do anything to fix that part. Glancing at the mirror before leaving, I ensured that I looked presentable; as presentable a person could look after having one of the greatest masturbation times of their life. My breathing had already steadied and I seemed okay, so I unlocked the door to walk back to my room.

              I saw Kyosuke on the bed, curled up into a ball. “Kyosuke, sorry I took so long. You can go now,” I said as I nudged him gently.

“Nnh… okay…” he sat up slowly and walked out the bedroom.

I collapsed onto my mattress with my left arm shielding my closed eyes and sighed.

_I just used my best friend as jerk off material and had the best sexual experience of my life…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't actually sure if I was gonna continue after the first chapter, but I decided to do it anyway hahaha. This is my first time actually writing something like this. I love JuzoxKyosuke.


	3. Friend Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakakura Juzo is ashamed of himself for treating his best friend as jerk off material. He has friends.

              _I’m a piece of shit…_ I thought as I stared at the ceiling. The sound of his breathing calmed my nerves. _Lowest of the low.. Yet I’m still happy. Shame on me._ I felt happy, satisfied but guilty. I held myself back all those years, to not taint my best friend in my mind. Yet that day, I fantasized about him as I pleasured myself in the bathroom, that said friend only a room away. If he wasn’t such a deep sleeper, I knew he would have been woken up by all the noise I was making before. I was simply relieved he did not know such a side to me.

              I went to sleep that night feeling refreshed and satisfied.

_______________

It was rare for me to wake up before Kyosuke. We were both early risers, but he was simply earlier than me. That morning, I had woken up earlier than usual for some reason. I figured it might have been because I felt completely refreshed.

              I sat up, my blanket sliding off my chest to my waist. I propped my arm onto my left knee and sat there silently, watching his chest rise up and down as he slept. I covered my face with my free hand, feeling my face heat up as I recalled what happened the night before. _Ahh… what did I do.._ I peeked at Kyosuke. _What would you think of me if you knew…_ I wondered if he had done it with Chisa after all those years of dating. Granted, no one would just tell their friend that they did it but I thought I would at least be able to have an inkling as to whether they had done it.

              He started to turn in his sleep, mumbling incoherent words. “Nnh… mmm…” I got a little closer, sitting on the bed to look at him. His eyebrows were pulled down into a frown and he seemed to be grinding his teeth. _Nightmare, huh?_ I guessed. As I reached out to wake him up, I faintly heard a soft whisper escape through his lips. “…Don’t… please…”

              I started to shake him to wake him up. He was sweating underneath his (my) clothes. “Kyosuke!” I shouted as I gripped as shoulder, shaking it. “Wake up. Come on,” I urged. After doing it a few more times, he finally woke up. “Huh..?” he looked at me, confused. He looked so tired and out of it.

“You look like you haven’t gotten any sleep,” I observed his face, pushing his hair out of his face. “Not sick though,” I reported.

“Yeah, ’m fine,” he said as he sat on the edge of the bed with me and looked out the window. He heaved a deep sigh before standing up and heading to the bathroom.

I looked down at my hands in silence as I listened to the shower turning on and water pouring onto his skin. I took the opportunity to fall face down into my bed. It had his scent all over it. “If only you could sleep here every night, then your scent would never fade,” I said as I turned over and clutched the pillow he was hugging the whole night.

***Ring ring***

I glanced at the caller’s name and tapped the green button on my screen.

“What,” I deadpanned, closing my eyes again.

“Cranky in the morning as always, huh,” he commented.

“I’m not cranky in the morning. I’m just cranky when I hear your voice,” I replied.

“Hahaha… of course. Anyway,” he proceeded to ignore my remark. “How’s the manuscript going? It’s gonna be the deadline so-“

“Working on it, almost done. Don’t worry about it. Can’t you just ask me to give it to you on the day of the deadline itself? Stop calling me,” I sighed.

“So you say, but you’re either done or not even started. I did it a few times like you told me to, and I got into deep shit for not handing in your manuscript on time. You were almost a month late,” he complained into my ear. _Fair enough,_ I thought.

“Well, it’s basically already done now. Come by whenever to take a look,” I told him.

“That’s really quick. You in a good mood? Come to think of it, you sound less cran-“

“Yes, yes, I’m in a good mood. So I’m going to hang up before you ruin it any more.” I hung up immediately without hearing his reply. He didn’t call back, as expected.

“Who was that?” I heard a voice as the bathroom door closed shut.

“Hijirihara.”

“Ah, I see. When?” he asked calmly, padding across the room towards me.

“Deadline’s next week but it’s already done,” I answered his ambiguous question. I was still clutching the pillow. I felt the edge of the bed dip and knew he was sitting near me. When I opened my eyes, I was pleasantly surprised to see him wearing my bath robe.

“Can I borrow some clothes?” he asked. “My clothes aren’t dry yet. I took care of the laundry yesterday by the way.”

“Thanks. Sure, go ahead,” I replied, pointing towards my cupboard of clothing. “Take the ones near the bottom in the left drawer.”

“Got it.” I watched as he pulled out a black turtleneck with vertical thread stripes and a pair of dark blue jeans. He examined the clothing in his hands for a while before saying, “Sakakura, whose are these?”

“Mine?” I replied, confused.

“These would have barely fit you in high school… You can’t possibly squeeze into clothing like this now with how built you are. You only got this apartment a few years ago too.. I thought you only brought in what you used when you bought this apartment,” he explained his reasoning.

“Ah,” I said as I realized the meaning behind his question. “I just got a few clothes for you for when you come over since we decide it at the last minute. You can’t go out wearing oversized clothes so I just went out and bought some in my free time,” I sighed.

***Ding dong***

_Who’s that.. I don’t wanna get up._

“Sakakura, do you want me to get the door?”

“No, it’s fine.” _Don’t want people seeing him in a bathrobe…_ I lazily got up and opened the door.

“Heya, Sakakura-kun!” she greeted me. “I have some food for breakfast. Let me in!” she cheered.

“Chisa,” I smiled, taking the plastic bag of food she offered and making way for her to come in. “What brings you here?”

“I wanted to eat breakfast with you guys. If I came any later, you probably might’ve started cooking already,” she said as she sat on the couch. “You should really fix this table of yours…” she commented as she looked at the poor state of the table sympathetically. “What did it ever do to you.. did you stub your toe on it and lose it or something?” she giggled.

“The funny part is that that could have actually happened,” Kyosuke joined in on the teasing, chuckling.

“Hey,” I looked at them. “I’m not _that_ hotheaded.”

“Yeah, you are,” they replied simultaneously.

“Tch. I’ll fix it,” I defended myself.

“It’s such an obvious dent. You can’t fix it unless you replace the wood itself. Just get a new one, cheapskate. Not like you can’t afford it,” Chisa said as she examined the damage. “It’s not worth the time, it seems.”

“Wasting money isn’t good,” I replied. “I can fix it.”

“I agree with Chisa on this one. You should replace it.”

“Huh? Kyosuke, you too?” I asked.

“Yes.”

“I know! What about we go choose your furniture together, hm? Surely you’d want advice from someone as fashionable as me.” I could see her nose lengthening as she spoke.

“It’s just a table. I’ll just pick one out myself later… but you can tag along if you’re free,” I replied.

“Okay, it’s settled. Kyosuke and I will meet up with you later at 7:30 in the evening. Ah, whatever, let’s just meet up for dinner too,” she said chipperly.

We nodded our heads in agreement. I took a look into the plastic bag. She had bought us onigiri for breakfast.

Just like Kyosuke did. They were like two peas in a pod. Not that I’d have bought anything different for breakfast if it were for them.

After breakfast, Kyosuke and Chisa each drove to work. I watched them drive out onto the main road from my window. I cleaned up the mess Chisa made from eating onigiri; she had accidentally dropped it onto my carpet when she reached out to accept the juice I was offering. She wanted to clean it, but they were late and I didn’t mind cleaning up.

I looked at my carpet as I picked it up. It was no longer one shade of peach. It was orange too. It was horrific. _I wonder if I can wash this clean…_ I worried. I opted to get a new carpet too since I was already going to buy a new table. I washed the carpet anyway with soap and a hella lot of effort but I only managed to make the stain fade. Blueberry juice was not easy to clean off.

***Ring ring***

I ran to the dining table where my phone was left and answered the call.

“Hello?” I said as I sat down, looking out through the window.

“Hello, Sakakura-san,” I heard a high-pitched voice call out.

“Gekkogahara-san,” I addressed her. “What’s the matter?” I asked.

“It’s been a while since we last talked. Wanna go out for lunch?” she said happily, though her voice was as weak as always.

“Lunch? Okay, I’m free. Where do you want to meet?” I agreed, happy that I had company for the afternoon. I was free with nothing to do anyway.

“I’ll let you choose since I invited you out,” she replied. “I’m okay with anything.”

“What about Wind Best?” I suggested a place in town.

“That’s fine. Meet you at 12:30?”

“Yeah, see you there.” We hung up after bidding goodbye.

I was on good terms with Gekkogahara-san in high school. We were both students who got detention together for being late to school. That was Gekkogahara-san’s only offence almost every day. She just had a hard time waking up. We spent so much time in detention together that I didn’t know when we started to become friends. We never lost contact after we graduated and occasionally got together to catch up. I couldn’t even remember how I made friends with such a soft-spoken person.

I stood up from my chair and stretched. The stained carpet was hung on the balcony and my apartment wasn’t messy or dirty. I had absolutely nothing to do. _Should I just wash the bedsheets and pillow cases?_ I thought. I glanced over at my bed and the pillows, then a realization came to mind.

 _Kyosuke was sleeping in my bed this morning. Kyosuke’s scent is still on that._ With that in mind, I went straight for the bed, burying my face in it. _I’ll just sleep more here until it’s time to meet,_ I thought to myself. I set the alarm to wake myself in time to get ready for lunch and snuggled back into bed. I pressed the pillow against my face and inhaled deeply.

_It smells nice.._

_________________

I was awoken by the sound of my goddamn noisy alarm. “Shut up,” I mumbled as I turned it off and set my phone down. _Wait, what?_ I picked up my phone again and checked the time. _Oh, shit. It’s 12:15! I must’ve been snoozing it in my sleep! Shit!_ I immediately hopped out of bed and ran to the bathroom to take a 5-minute shower. I dashed out of the bathroom naked to grab whatever decent clothes was at the top of my clothes pile in the cupboard and put them on. _Ah, damn. I’m going to be late,_ I thought as I locked my apartment door. As I jogged to my car in my haste, I realized I didn’t bring my car keys. _Well shit._ I ran back to get them and drove to Wind Best as fast as I could.

              As expected, Gekkogahara-san was already in the restaurant. She waved to me to call me over. It was a pretty quiet restaurant and a little dimly lit. I knew Gekkogahara-san was a quiet person by nature and didn’t really enjoy noisy places, even though she said she was okay to eat anywhere. I speed walked to enter the restaurant and greeted her before taking a seat.

“Sorry,” I apologized immediately, picking up the menu and ordering my food.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. It’s only 15 minutes after the meeting time,” she smiled a little.

“I overslept. So, why did you call me out today?” I asked, propping my arms onto the table.

“Huh?” she looked at me confused.

“Why did you call me out? Didn’t you have something to say?”

“O-oh.. no,” she replied with a poker face. “Just catching up as usual. It’s been a month since we last saw each other,” she looked down at the table awkwardly.

“So, how’s work?” I asked, regretting that I made her uncomfortable.

“Oh, it’s fine, good, fine. Swell. Going well. Some patients are stressing me out, but nothing of any real concern. What about you?” she said as she fiddled with her straw. She was the head therapist at a private hospital nearby.

“It’s going well. I got the whole plot planned out in my head that it’s so easy to write.”

“Really?! When’s the next book going to be released?” her eyes beamed with enthusiasm.

I knew what she was after again. “…I see,” I said as I raised an eyebrow.

“W-what?” she asked.

“You weren’t trying to catch up, you just wanted to know when’s the next release,” I smirked at her. She was a wild fan of my mystery novels. Gekkogahara-san was the one who pushed me to submit my work to a publishing company in the first place.

“N-no! Not really.. Maybe. Yes. Of course, I also wanted to see you. So, when is it?” she pushed.

“I wonder…” I looked up at the ceiling, pretending to not know. “Next week.”

“Really?!”

“No,” I laughed as her face gloomed over. I swore I could see puppy ears drooping then. I began to feel bad when she didn’t say anything. “Gekkogahara-san?”

“I wanna know,” she pouted. I was relieved she wasn’t really sad or angry, just disappointed.

“Ahaha, sorry but I can’t tell you that. I think it’s better that you be surprised when you see it in stores, hm?” I smiled at her.

“Hehehe,” she laughed. “I knew you wouldn’t tell me anyway. You never have after all these years.”

Her food came first and she glanced at the time.

“You can eat first,” I said as I looked over at the waiters to see if my food was coming. She took hold of a pair of chopsticks and a spoon before digging in.

“Do you have an appointment? You’re eating faster than usual,” I commented. She was eating a bit messily compared to usual and chewing unusually fast.

She nodded her head slightly. I felt bad for making her wait earlier. _Must be hard to have fixed breaks, huh… I’m quite lucky to be a writer,_ I thought. I felt so privileged not to have a scheduled time to do anything. I could work in the morning, noon or night, whenever I felt like it.

Soon my food arrived too and we ate silently until we finished our meal.

“Well.. bye Sakakura-san. Thanks for the meal. Let me treat you next time,” she bowed her head a little for taking her leave.

I looked at my watch. _Only 1:30pm. Sometimes being ahead of schedule is boring._

I decided that it was time to put my gym membership to good use so I went over to get in some exercise. I always had a spare set of clothing for going to the gym in the boot of my car so heading straight over was no problem.

I was greeted by my buddies at the gym.

“Long time no see, man!”  
“What have ya doing skipping workout?”  
“I was starting to forget what your face looked like.”

“I came here 2 weeks ago. It wasn’t even that long,” I said as I got undressed to change into my gym clothes.

“Hey, since it’s been such a long time, wanna go for a drink? The guys are gathering tonight,” Mondo invited me.

“Nah, I’m busy,” I rejected.

“Whaaaat? Busy? Did you get a girlfriend? Are you abandoning us?” he teased.

“Nah, I’m meeting a few friends tonight. Invite me some other time.”

“Tch. No choice then dammit.”

“Haha.”

“Don’t you fucking _haha_ me, you asshole,” he said as he punched my shoulder playfully. “Oh look you got flabby. As expected of a person who stopped coming to the gym,” he smirked.

“Ha! I’m more toned than you,” I retaliated.

“Oh yeah? You wanna go?” he said as he got into a fighting stance.

“No prob-“

**_“One, two, three, not only you and me. Got 180 degrees and I’m caught in between-“_ **

We all stared at each other in silence as the song echoed throughout the room. “Whose phone is that?” I asked.

Slowly, Mondo ceased his fighting stance and reached into his pocket, blushing. We got closer to hear his conversation. He looked down as he answered the call and put it to his ear. “H-hello? Why are you calling?”

We could hear a very sweet voice coming from the receiver, but we could not make out what the person was saying. We didn’t need to, though. “Chihiro… Hm? I told you earlier, didn’t I? I’ll be back by 6pm. Oh wait, I’m going drinking with the guys tonight... Okay, I’ll be back by 5pm,” he smiled. “Wanna go to eat at Monokuma? We can watch a movie. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay, bye,” he hung up. The guys around me deadpanned at him.

“BACK BY 5?!”  
“WHAT ABOUT DRINKING, YOU LITTLE SHIT!”  
“Ditching us for your damn lover..”  
“What’s so great about a lover anyway dammit!”  
“Now Mondo’s abandoning us single guys too!”  
“All you taken people make me _sick_. What about your bros, man?”

“Nope, I’m going home,” Mondo rejected. “I forgot..”

“Forgot what?” everyone asked.

“…that I.. already had a date…” he blushed, sitting down.

“ASSHOLE!”  
“KILL HIM!”  
“SHOWOFF!”

“Ah shuddup! I’d pick my lover any day over you brawny and noisy asses! Chihiro’s cute and sweet an-“

“Yeah yeah fine go have fun.”  
“Chihiro this Chihiro that yet we never even get a picture.”  
“How did you manage to snag a cute one with that fucking pompadour of yours anyway…”  
“I bet Chihiro’s blind.. and deaf.. who would take Mondo for a lover..”

Everyone went back to doing their own thing until it was 4:30pm. Mondo and I decided to leave at the same time so we were chatting in the changing room.

“So.. Chihiro, huh? Your lover?” I started the conversation.

“Yeah..” he blushed.

“Is she really that cute?”

“Really small and cute and nice. Like a bunny…” he replied.

“Got a picture of her?” I asked, curious about who could make Mondo so shy.

“Yeah, but I won’t show it to you. You’ll fall in love too,” he smirked. “Chihiro’s only for me to see.”

“Hmph,” I snorted. “My lover’s tall and hot and sexy. Bet Chihiro can’t beat that,” I bragged about Kyosuke, though even I couldn’t really see us doing anything lover-like.

“Dude, you really have a girl? _Damn,_ got a pic?”

“Hell no, you’ll fall in love at first sight,” I smirked back.

We packed up our stuff and said goodbye to our friends before leaving the gym.

“So, movie tonight huh?” I asked. “Have fun.”

“Yeah, I wonder how I forgot about today… I was looking forward to it for a week too. Well, see ya,” he waved as he went towards his car.

“Bye,” I waved back before driving home.

_______________

I was soaking myself in the bathtub, feeling tired from all the workout. I was thinking about what Mondo said before we parted. _Are you supposed to plan a date in advance? Weren’t Kyosuke and I very… quick about it? We just decided to go out together on the morning itself. Are they slow? Are we fast? How does one ‘date’?_ I began to worry, sinking into the warm water in the tub.

I got out of the tub eventually, getting dressed for dinner and taking my wallet with me before going to meet them at Monokuma Mall. I arrived a bit earlier than expected though, so as I was wandering around to look for a good place to eat, I spotted a man with a very eye-catching hairstyle.

“Yo, Mondo,” I greeted as I walked up to him.

“Yo, Sakakura,” he smiled. I noticed the person next to him. Small and cute.

“Oh, is this Chihiro?” I looked down at her.

“Yeah,” he looked down at his lover.

“H-huh?” Chihiro grabbed Mondo’s arm and backed away. I could understand her actions, since she was so small and my height was above average, even for tall people. I intimated most people during our first meeting. It was no different with Chihiro.

“You’re right. Your girlfriend’s really cute..” I looked at her.

“Girlfriend?” she looked up at Mondo. “Girl..?” Chihiro tugged at his arm a little.

Mondo looked down at Chihiro for a while, hesitating before he started talking. “U-um..” Mondo leaned in to my ear very slowly. “Don’t be too surprised but,” he paused. “…Chihiro’s… a man.”

_Huh._

“Huh,” was all I could say.

“Don’t tell anyone. I-I mean, there are many people in this world, right? So of course there are diff-“ his voice grew softer and softer in my head. I stopped listening to him. Instead, my gaze was fixated on Mondo’s odd manner. I could tell Mondo was beginning to panic. I knew that he was roughly going through the same problem I was. We were both dating a person of the same gender.

“I won’t tell anyone,” I reassured him. _Why tell me if you were planning to hide it? Chihiro looks like a girl to me. I wouldn’t have suspected anything,_ I thought. I didn’t ask him out loud, though. I heard him breathe a deep sigh of relief.

“Thanks, man. I knew I could trust you,” he smiled.

“Chihiro…-kun, huh?” I looked down at the small man. No matter how I looked at it, I could only see a girl. How could a man be so cute?

“N-nice meeting you, Sakakura-san,” he nodded at me slightly, still latched onto Mondo’s arm. _Hell, that’s so sweet._ I returned his greeting, “You too, Chihiro-san.”

“Well, we’re about to catch a movie. See you later,” he waved. Chihiro-san waved too.

I waited a few more minutes before Kyosuke and Chisa showed up. We decided to eat whatever was fast since Chisa was starving. Once again, I sat next to Chisa while Kyosuke sat on the other side of the table.

“Sakakura-kun,” she whispered to me, careful not to let Kyosuke hear.

“Hmm?” I looked at her.

“Who was that girl earlier?” she whispered again.

“Who?” _Chihiro?_

“Her. You know who I’m talking about.”

“She’s my friend’s lover. They came to watch a movie,” I whispered back for some reason.

“Huh? No, no. The girl you met up with for lunch,” she whispered a bit louder. Kyosuke sat across us using his phone.

“Gekkogahara-san. She was in high school with us,” I answered, scratching my head.

“Are.. you cheating on Kyosuke?” she narrowed her eyes at me. It was put so bluntly that I was at a loss for words for a while.

“Huh?! No,” I hissed. “Why would you think that?” I glared.

“You ate with her at Wind Best, that’s why!”

“So?” I raised an eyebrow at her.

“That’s a common place for dates, you idiot! We saw you two! Kyosuke and I. What if you hurt Kyosuke’s feelings?” she raised her voice a little.

“Angry? I don’t think so. He’s not even saying anything to me. And we only ate there because Gekkogahara-san prefers quiet places and that was the most convenient place in town. And I don’t think Kyosuke of all people would get jealous..”

“Don’t be insensitive. He has feelings too. He definitely loves you more than you think even if he doesn’t show it,” she slapped me on the back of my head. “You better explain it later. Go home with him again and sort things out before things get messy,” she whispered. “Kyosuke.”

“Yes?” he looked up from his phone.

“Sakakura-kun has something he wants to say to you so follow him home tonight.”

_Oi oi oi! Isn’t that too straightforward? That sounds suspicious as fuck._

He looked at me for a while. “…Okay.”

_______________

“I think this table looks good. It’s chique and stylish.”

“Hm, but I think it takes too much space. I prefer it to be around the same size as the previous one.”

“Oh, this one matches your carpet,” Kyosuke mentioned.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. I’m getting a new carpet too. I couldn’t entirely get the stain off, so I’ll just get a new one.”

“Oh.. sorry for ruining your carpet,” she apologized.

“It’s fine. I’ll donate it. What about this one?” I pointed towards a maroon carpet with intricate design.

“It’s.. okay. Let’s look around a bit more,” she suggested.

 

After spending a heck load of time choosing a table and a matching carpet, we went our separate ways. Chisa went home while Kyosuke and I drove to my apartment. We both took our baths (separately, mind you) and got ready for bed. I switched off the lights, so the only thing that allowed us to see was the moonlight that was blocked out partially by the curtains.

“Sakakura, you wanted to talk about something?” he turned on his side to face me. _Hell, that escalated quickly._

“Uhh.” _How do I start? ‘I’m not cheating on you’? ‘She’s just a friend’? We don’t even act like lovers enough for me to have those words come out of my mouth._ “Can I… lay next to you in the bed?” I saw the opportunity and took it.

“Okay,” he lifted up the blanket for me to enter. It was cramped for such two large men that we had to squeeze. _Really_ squeeze _._ Kyosuke was in my arms before I knew it. _I’m not buying a new bed… ever,_ I thought. I relished in the body heat he offered me on such a cold night.

“Umm.. I’m not cheating on you,” I started in the worst way possible. “The girl I met earlier at lunch is just a friend from high school. She called me out to have lunch. She’s just a friend and.. I’m not cheating on you,” I repeated. “We ate there because she’s a really quiet person,” I added, remembering Chisa’s suspicions about the restaurant.

“…I see.”

“That’s all,” I said as I squeezed him tighter ever so slightly so he wouldn’t notice. “Kyosuke… do you.. regret going out with me?” I stroked his hair.

“No,” he replied.

“You.. know what it means to go out right? Hugging and.. kissing,” I said shyly.

“Yes, I know,” he breathed out.

“Do you.. want to do those things with me?” I asked cautiously. He didn’t reply. “It’s fine if you say no; I was just asking. I-I mean it doesn’t have to be now or-“

“I… want to,” his delayed reply came slowly. My heart twinged. I could only hug him tighter in my wave of happiness.

“Thanks,” I smiled into his hair. “Thanks for saying that. Can I sleep here tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks,” I smiled. “Goodnight.” I wrapped my arms around a bit more.

“..You don’t want to?” he looked up to meet my gaze.

“Want to?” I looked at his beautiful face.

“Kiss.”

“N-now?” I asked, stealing a glance at his lips. “Can I?”

He leaned in to plant a soft peck on my cheek. I felt my face heat up where his lips had touched. _Oh, I thought he meant the lips. That would have been too sudden for my hear-_

Before I knew it, I felt his wet lips on mine. I was stunned, my eyes wide open to see his closed ones. His lips pressed against mine were so soft and smooth. It lasted for only a few seconds, but it felt like hours to me.

“K-Kyosuke…” I said his name as our lips parted. _I was so happy._

He looked at me silently, reading my reaction. “Thank you,” I smiled and pulled him close to my chest. “Let’s go to sleep, hm?”

I knew if I had let him do it any longer, I’d either faint from excitement or lose my rationality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to mention that I've only seen Danganronpa 1, 2 and 3 so I don't actually know who Hijirihara Takumi is, but I wanted to add a character that Juzo actually interacted with. Also, since Gekkogahara didn't really have a lot of information on her on Wiki and she didn't exactly appear in the anime except for that one screentime to show her body, I figured she could be a character who was good friends with Juzo, but it was just never shown on screen.
> 
> Well, that was my crappy reasoning. Sorry if they're out of character :/ I'm not good at writing at all hahaha :)
> 
> Thank you to those who Kudos-ed this... excuse of a work. I really appreciate it! I only get the motivation to continue writing when I see the good feedback actually ^_^ Every time I post a chapter I wonder if I should continue...


	4. He Likes My Scent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyosuke's POV. The morning after their first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I can't write summaries well. Or titles. Or stories in general. Bear with me please.

I woke up in the arms of my lover that morning. His arms and legs were wrapped around me like an octopus. It was hard to breathe with how tight his hold on me was. Still, I let him to continue sleeping because of how at peace he seemed. The only actual thing that bothered me was his morning wood pressed against my stomach; it felt uncomfortable.

 _Sakakura Juzo,_ I thought of my lover lying next to me. I pulled my head away from his chest to take a good look at him. He pulled me back into his embrace immediately. Nevertheless, I knew exactly what he looked like. He had an intimidating face with sharp eyes. He grew a stubble every morning. His facial hair was troublesome that he had to shave every morning, though I thought that he would look good either way. His entire body was toned to a T, his chest hard and a six-pack stomach. His limbs were muscular and strong, all contributing to his rough exterior. He had a naturally grumpy face, so he frowned even in his sleep. His hands bigger and fingers longer than even mine, he was a tall man with dark skin. Despite his tough exterior, he was a very soft person at heart. He was sensitive towards certain things and could be read like an open book, though I never told him that because I knew he’d get angry to hide his embarrassment.

As I placed my hands on his chest to put a little distance between us, I felt his nose sink deeper into my hair before inhaling deeply. It came to my realization that he may have liked the smell of his shampoo very much. Or it was my scent that he liked so much. Or both? I pushed lightly on his chest so I could readjust my sleeping position, but he refused to let go of me.

“Sakakura,” I whispered.

“Kyosuke…” he mumbled. _He’s awake?_

“Can you loosen your grip? You’re holding me a bit too tight,” I requested.

“Kyosuke…” he mumbled again.

“Sakakura?” I looked up to see his dreamy eyes looking at me.

“Kyosuke…” his arm pushed my head into his chest again. “Kyosuke…” he sniffed my hair. “Smell.. nice…”

 _Are you sleeptalking with your eyes open?_ “Sakakura,” I raised my voice.

“Kyo…” his legs pulled my lower body towards him, his morning wood grinding against me. “Kyosuke…”

“Sakakura,” I pushed a little harder. “Sakakura, wake up,” I called again. “Sakakura.”

“Mmh… Ngh..” he opened his left eye to peek at me. “Kyosuke…? What are.. you…” his voice trailed off as he spoke. “Huh? What am I doing on the bed? Ack, sorry,” he released me from his grasp. His head darted from left to right until he remembered what happened last night. “…Hi,” he greeted.

“Good morning,” I greeted back.

“Right, morning,” he said as he craned his head to look at the clock. “It’s still early. You can go back to sleep.” He got up slowly.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“Back to sleep,” he answered.

“Then why are you getting up?”

“T-to go back down to the mattress..” he pointed towards the mattress on the floor.

“You can stay.”

“But I cling to you in my sleep,” he rubbed the back of his head.

“I don’t mind.”

His eyes darted towards me at that moment. “N-nah, on second thought, I’ll just get up. Gotta… breakfast.”

 _But you literally just said you were going back to sleep,_ I thought. The way he approached me last night seemed to scream ‘I love you’ to me in my face. He was so cautious, so careful. _He asks me if I wouldn’t mind kissing, yet he doesn’t make a move.._ I knew that Chisa was actively trying to give us both a push on the back. She talked in a way that always ended with me going to Sakakura’s house. _Even yesterday, she was whispering things to him._ I silently thanked her in my mind for being such a supportive friend.

Frankly, I wanted to take our relationship to the next step. I felt stuck, as if we were getting nowhere. Sakakura didn’t act any differently after we got together; he just blushed and avoided eye contact more than usual. But the biggest change in him was that he no longer seemed sad when the three of us were together. I could not believe I was wrong all those years; all those years when I had thought that Sakakura was in love with Chisa.

He stood up from the bed and walked over to the window, opening the curtains. It was bright out, so the light blinded both our eyes. I didn’t know what he was doing. “Sakakura! It’s too bright,” I called out to him.

“Yeah, too bright. Sorry,” he drew the curtains back to a close, but didn’t look at me. _Is he embarrassed? Are you avoiding me? I don’t understand,_ I thought. He wandered around the suite as if he was lost. I looked around in his apartment from the bed. It was truly magnificent. _To think you bought such a place when you were only 25 years old… Being an author must be your true calling._

              We always thought that Sakakura would pursue boxing as a permanent career. In university, he had won many championships internationally. He always gave us tickets for us to go together to watch. It was until after he graduated university that he told us that he was going to quit to focus on a proper career. When I had first founded the company, both Chisa and I thought that he had trouble finding a job. He only worked a part-time job and was almost always free when we called him and seemed to be able to meet at anytime. It worried us for a while, since we knew he was a very capable man so we gave him jobs to do. I told him that it was unofficial, but I had intended to put it in his resume to show his experience. _Who would have guessed that he was simply waiting for his series to blow up in popularity before telling us?_

Sakakura was hotheaded but also a very humble man. He never thought much of himself, describing his job as something to help him scrape by, but everyone knew he was raking in money with every book he sold. He wore decent clothes that could be bought at the flea market, but all the ones he got me were branded. I did not know if he had done it purposefully or otherwise.

“Well, I need to get ready for work,” I stood up and straightened my (his) wrinkled nightclothes.

“Go ahead,” he said as he walked past me and sat back onto the bed. _Are you going to smell my pillow again like you did the other day?_ I looked at him for a while. “Hm? Kyosuke?” he looked at me. _So you’re not going to do it until I’m in the bathroom, huh…_ I thought. I saw him sniffing and clutching my pillow yesterday after I got out of the bathroom. _Ah, this means he likes my scent and not the shampoo, huh.._ I felt satisfied as I solved yet another mystery of Sakakura Juzo. I entered the bathroom and took a shower. _He did_ that _here,_ I thought. It was a side to Sakakura I never knew.

After my shower, I wiped my body down and put on a bathrobe to get some clothes from his cupboard. It was not a habit of mine to get clothes prior to getting into the bathroom at Sakakura’s place, but I did do so in my home.

              I could feel his gaze on me as I walked over to the cupboard. Pulling out the bottom drawer, I noticed the new clothes and a suit neatly folded and placed.

“Kyosuke, I ironed your clothes for work. They’re over there by the door,” Sakakura called from the bed, clutching my pillow.

I looked over to see a full suit neatly ironed with a tie hanging next to it. It looked brand new and much to my taste. I wondered how well he knew me that all the clothes he bought for me were exactly how I liked it. “Thanks. This looks expensive, though…”

“No problem,” he flashed me a grin. “I knew you’d look good in it anyway.”

After we ate the breakfast Sakakura had prepared at godly speed, I took my car keys and before heading out. _Ah, what I would give to have his culinary talent,_ I thought absentmindedly.

“Have a great day at work,” he said as I opened the main door.

“See you later,” I smiled before closing it behind me.

I did not see him later. Nor the next day. Nor the next.

 

______________

 

“Sakakura has been avoiding me for a week,” I said as I sipped my coffee in the breakroom of that particular floor of the building. Chisa was leaning against the wall, opposite to the bench I was sitting on.

“Huh?!” Chisa choked on her coffee and started hacking and coughing. She looked surprised, confused and worried altogether. I didn’t even know a face could look that way.

“He started avoiding me last week,” I repeated.

“What happened between you two? Did you get into a fight?” she asked as her eyes focused onto her red tongue that was a little burnt by the coffee. “Ow,” she said sadly.

“No, we didn’t,” I answered. “He just stopped… responding,” I said as I sipped my coffee again.

“If you didn’t fight, what _did_ happen? What happened the morning you left?” she asked and sat beside me.

“Nothing,” I answered again, as confused as she was. “Nothing happened.”

“What do you mean nothing? Was everything the same? What about the night before, after we separated?” she closed in on me.

“Like I said, noth-“ I paused, remembering what happened on the bed in the dark.

“Hm? Hmm?” she hummed as she came closer. “ _Nothing?_ ” she asked. “It doesn’t seem like _nothing_ to me,” she raised an eyebrow. “What happened?”

“Kissed,” I stated matter-of-factly, though I regretted it the moment the word escaped my lips. _What am I doing consulting her? This is wrong._

“Whoa, Sakakura moves fast! I thought he was more of the shy typ-“

“ _I_ kissed him. He didn’t make a move at all,” I replied, a little angry at her. _I should end this topic,_ I thought.

“Huh? That’s even _more_ of a surprise! You’re so aggressive!” she teased, punching m in my shoulder. It hurt, honestly. “…So? What happened afterwards? How did it happen?” her eyes sparkling.

“Nothing. We just kissed and hugged a little. “Maybe I shouldn’t talk to you about this. Don’t you feel the least bit uncomfortable? It feels bad and uncomfortable too, honeslty.”

“Kyosuke, we broke up on good terms. I’m just looking out for that new love. Now I’m just looking out for my friends’ happiness. I don’t care if it’s awkward.”

“I can’t do this,” I said as I stood up to get away from continuing the conversation.

“Kyosuke! You don’t have anyone else to ask but me. Let’s just talk,” she said as she pulled me back down onto the bench. I almost spilled my coffee.

I sighed, nodding and giving in. She continued her interrogation. “Give me every detail. Maybe we can figure out why Sakakura’s avoiding you again. Why did you kiss him? Was it just the mood?”

“He asked me how I felt about kissing him and I said that it was okay, and he just said goodnight and wanted to go to sleep. I thought it was the right time for it, since he already asked about it but didn’t do it. So I did it instead,” I sighed. I felt so embarrassed that I had to explain everything to her, but she was the only person I trusted to confide in.

“Why did he ask you how you felt about kissing?”

“He asked that when he mentioned me going out with a man. He probably also noticed that our relationship didn’t really change after we became lovers, so he asked if I knew what it means to go out with a man, and if I was okay with it,” I explained as best I could.

“So he kissed and hugged you and went to sleep like it was nothing?”

“More or less,” I answered.

“Hmm…” she thought for a while, closing her eyes to let the gears turn in her head. “I think you might have been too aggressive, Kyosuke. Maybe you freaked him out with your forwardness,” she said, thinking deeply. “Did he seem happy that you kissed?”

“I don’t know. After that he said that we should sleep.” I looked down at my coffee. It was getting cold.

“That’s it then! Sakakura-kun’s just unprepared for intimate acts,” she concluded decisively. “Wait, when did the hugging happen?”

“Throughout the night. We slept in the same bed,” I refilled my cup of coffee.

“He loves you, asks you about kissing, then you kiss him, then you sleep together in an embrace… then he starts avoiding you…” she summarized slowly. “I guess… Yep… you were too aggressive. I guess he wasn’t comfortable with it so you should go more slowly.”

“So I should just do nothing,” I confirmed.

“…No.”

“What should I do? Should I call him?” I asked.

“Hm.. yes. I think you should. Call him and get him to meet up with you no matter what. Don’t give him a chance to reject you or you two will end up going around in circles. What about inviting him out for a drink? Ah, I know! _I’ll_ invite him and we all meet up, and afterwards I leave you two to have a talk. How about it?”

I felt bad that Chisa was aiding us in our seemingly broken relationship. “Is that really okay? It sounds like you’re just going to show your face and leave. Isn’t that troublesome for you? I’ll just invite him instead.”

“No, I’ll invite him. He’s more likely to answer my call and I’m better at persuading him to come out. I’ll stay long enough for us to have dinner, then I’ll leave right after. And if one of you drinks, it means that the other _has_ to drive the other home, so you guys are bound to end up in the same place again,” she winked.

“…Okay,” I agreed reluctantly. I felt a bit disappointed that she just brushed my suggestion aside. But I knew she was better at me in this field so I did not oppose.

“Now then…” she mumbled as she took out her phone and immediately dialed his number. In a time period of a minute, she managed to invite and persuade him to meet up at the pub in downtown area at 7:45pm. I could not even get him to answer my call. “Done,” she reported as she gave me a thumbs up.

Soon it was evening and we drove our individual cars to the pub we decided to meet up at. Although we arrived early, it was odd that Sakakura didn’t arrive earlier than us. He was always free, so he was always the one waiting for us.

Chisa ordered her food first. Soon, Sakakura arrived too and the waiter took our orders.

“Yo, Sakakura-kun! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. What have you been up to?” she smiled cheerily, patting him on the back. _When was it that they started sitting next to each other? Was it after we broke up? I remember Chisa sitting by my side,_ I thought for a moment.

“Writing,” he answered.

“Ehhh? I heard you finished ahead of schedule. What’s the rush?” she pried.

“I can be ahead of schedule for the next deadline too, y’know. I was just keeping myself busy.”

“You’ve never been that hardworking before. Anyway, today’s meal is on Kyosuke. Let’s order more~ hehehe,” she giggled and proceeded to order some side dishes and a bottle of sake. “Let’s drain his wallet dry,” she winked at Sakakura. She was completely taking advantage of the fact that I was paying.

Pretty soon her order came and she began to chow down on her food.

“Chisa, aren’t you going too fast?” Sakakura asked. “You’re eating almost as fast as me.”

She shook her head. “I just love the fact that the food’s free so I’m enjoying it as much as possible!”

“You’re going to choke,” I told her as the side dishes arrived.

“No I wo- Ack!” she choked. _Smooth,_ I thought.

“Here’s some water,” Sakakura handed his glass of water to her. Chisa being Chisa, she already gulped down her glass of water.

“Ugh… thanks,” Chisa said before continuing to eat. Our food arrived too and we ate silently until Chisa finished the last bits of her food. “Whew! I’m stuffed. I’m so full, I can’t eat anymore. My stomach’s going to burst. I’m going home,” she said as she stood up.

“Chisa?! What about the side dishes?” Sakakura asked.

“You eat them.. sorry,” she smiled apologetically and walked out of the booth we were sitting at. I looked at all the side dishes she ordered and never even touched. I wondered if she really just wanted to make me go bankrupt.

“She shouldn’t have ordered so much food. Looks like we’re just going to have to finish it all,” he grumbled. “This stuff is so unhealthy…”

***Ping***

I took out my phone to read the incoming message.

**Chisa**

**Good luck :P Update me tomorrow heheheheh**

I chuckled at her ‘heheheheh’ when I imagine her laughing like that in reality. I could feel Sakakura’s gaze on my phone. I looked up to meet his eyes. For a second; before he looked down at the table.

“Sakakura,” I called his name as I poured sake into the wine glass. “Let’s drink.”

“Actually, I could do without drinking today,” he rejected the sake immediately. “Let’s just eat the food and leave.”

“If you won’t, I will,”I said and proceeded to down the sake in one gulp.

“Hey hey! You won’t be able to drive home if you get drunk!” he warned, snatching the sake bottle from me.

“Drive me home,” I told him.

“No,” he rejected flatly.

“Drive me home.”

“No! Drive yourself home,” he huffed at me.

“Drive me home.”

“Godammit I said NO!” he slammed the table with his fist, denting it ever so slightly. We stared at it in shock. “You saw nothing,” he told me as he slid the tissue box conspicuously over the dent. “Nothing.”

“See what? Is there anything to see?” I played along.

“But seriously, drive yourself home.”

“Drive me home.”

“I will tear you _limb from limb_ if you don’t stop saying ‘Drive me home’ and pissing me off,” he threatened.

“Okay, I’ll stop drinking. Let’s bring the sake back and drink it then,” I suggested, snatching the bottle back from him.

“No, please don’t drink,” he sighed as facepalmed.

“Why not?”

“You’re… a bad drunk,” he sighed even more deeply.

“Bad how?” I raised an eyebrow. _Am I?_ I had an odd, strange feeling.

“Quite… quite bad. So you shouldn’t drink tonight, yeah?” he leaned backwards against the backrest of the chair. The noise of the pub was really getting to me.

“Then, come to my house,” I invited him.

“No thanks,” he rejected again.

“Then I’ll go to yours,” I invited myself.

“No,” he said more sternly.

“Why not?”

“…I want some time alone.”

“You had your time alone. An entire week,” I reminded him. I made sure he knew I was growing impatient, frowning at him and looking at him dead in the eye.

“…Fine.”

 

After dinner and a couple of drinks, we decided to head back to his apartment.

“Go take a bath and then we’ll talk,” he said, tossing his coat onto the sofa. I was dead tired from work since it was the last working day of the week, and to be honest I really just wanted to rest first. But I wanted to resolve everything with Sakakura.

I took a quick bath and put on his oversized nightwear that he prepared beforehand. It was as comfortable as always. By the time I had come out, he was already lying on the mattress with his back facing towards me.

“Sakakura! You said we’d talk! Don’t sleep!” I stomped towards him.

“I’m awake,” he said as he sat up and turned around to face me. “What do you want to talk about?” he asked slowly.

“You _know_ what I want to talk about,” I said as I sat on the edge of the bed closest to him. “Why have you been avoiding me this past week? You didn’t return any of my calls, but you answer immediately when it’s Chisa? What did I do? Did I do anything wrong?” I bombarded him with questions.

“I… just wanted some space,” he answered, evidently nervous from the way he rubbed his the back of his neck. He always did that when he was uncomfortable or shy.

“You could have told me if you wanted some space instead of ignoring my calls,” I said sternly, disappointed with his answer.

“I’m sorry.. I didn’t think my actions through. I didn’t mean to make you mad,” he looked up at me sadly.

“I’m not mad,” I growled. I was mad.

“Okay, my bad. You’re not angry. Kyosuke… can you forgive me? It was my fault, Kyosuke. I should not have behaved that way. Even I knew that it was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do. I won’t do it again. Please forgive me,” he pleaded with his hands clasped together. He looked so desperate, I wanted to forgive him right then and there. But I knew if I didn’t solve it then, we would end up in the same situation sooner or later.

“No.” I folded my arms over my chest, looking down at him from the bed. “I’m not going to forgive you if you don’t explain your actions.”

“…” he silenced himself. I could not see his expression after he started facing down at the floor.

“…So that’s it, huh? You didn’t like me kissing you?” I sighed. I felt so disappointed and sad that Chisa’s guess was right.

“H-huh? What?” His head jerked up so he could see me. His eyes were full of surprise, his mouth agape.

“You didn’t like the kiss. I understand, I won’t do i-“

All of a sudden, he grabbed my arms and pinned me down on the bed. “No no no! I liked it! Very much. Don’t misunderstand,” he said frantically.

“…Really?” I asked, subconsciously trying to free myself of his grasp.

“Ah, sorry,” he apologized and loosened his grip. He sat on the bed next to me. “Really. It’s just that…”

“Just that _what?”_ I pushed.

“We k-kissed last night and I don’t know what you’re thinking so my mind’s a mess and I don’t know what to do now!” he squeaked in a weak voice, covering his face with his big hands. “…I keep wondering if you’re regretting it: that I’m a man, that you kissed a man, that we’re going out and it’s just not going so well for me in my head,” he stuttered as the words flowed out from his mouth quicker than a machine gun. “I’m not cute like Chisa. I’m big and cranky and moody. I’m not soft like a woman and I’m not even small like Mitarai-san. Why me? I don’t know what you’re doing here in _my_ bed in _my_ apartment as my lover,” he messed up his hair as he sat on his couch.

“Sakakura…” I felt sad that there was so much turmoil and chaos going on inside him. He was going a mile a minute and he wasn’t finished.

“All I can see when I’m with you is that you’re going with me out of pity or that you’re just using me as a substitute for Chisa. I don’t mind that, really, since this is the only way you’d go out with me but…” his voice trailed off. “…although I’m really happy with how things are, I really, really don’t want any false hope,” he breathed a heavy sigh.

“I already told you that I love you too,” I tried to reassure him.

“I feel so pathetic. You don’t smile with me like you did with Chisa. When you two first started going out, you looked like the happiest person in the world.” He slowly reach out his arms and pulled me into a hug. “But… but when we became lovers, not once have you ever shown such a face. You smile like always, but it’s like it was when we were friends.”

“I’m not lying when I say this: I’m happy with you,” I patted his head. “I don’t know what you saw many years ago, my happy face or whatever, but I’m certain that I’m _very happy_ by your side.”

He pulled us apart to look at me. “Really..? Kyosuke, tell me the truth. If you keep making me so happy with such words, I won’t be able to let you g-“ I cut him off with a really tight hug.

“I love you, Juzo,” I whispered into his ear. I heard his breathing hitch and his body tensed in my grasp.

“Nn.. I.. love you too… But don’t say that in my ear..” he covered his ear with his hand, his cheeks blushing red. “I won’t be able to control myself,” he said in a breathy manner.

“...What happens when you lose control?” I pulled his hand away, whispering into his ear again.

“Urgh!” he grunted. Shoving me into bed and forcefully covering me with a blanket, he huffed, “Sleep!”

“Do you want to sleep together?” I asked as I lifted the blanket and made space for him to snuggle into the cramped bed.

“No! You sleep first! Shit. I… am going to take a shower. Goodnight!” he shouted as he dashed for the bathroom.

_Shower, huh?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I don't want my school holiday to end! I'm only writing from late night til 5am in the morning. What happens when school starts and I have to wake up early again? ;_; HOLIDAY STAY WITH ME PLEASE I LOVE YOU
> 
> I started on a Naruto Omegaverse fanfiction a few days ago, but I don't know if it's going so well :/ So many ideas that I don't know which to use so I end up with writer's block. I don't think I deserve to be called a writer, but that's my current state of mind.  
> I applaud people who are able to string words so beautifully together. It truly is a challenge.
> 
> Thanks for reading :)


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